‘Building Lasting Relationships’ at Ladies College Hall

He sends you flowers when what you really want is time to talk. She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home cooked meal. The problem is not your love, it is in the way you understand and the way you communicate. .

"Conflicts grow out of our uniqueness. Not only are males and females different, but each individual male and female is unique. Part of our uniqueness is genetically based. These genetic differences are most observable in our physical characteristics. No two fingerprints are exactly alike. Each person has unique facial characteristics. This is typically what allows us to recognise one another. Other differences are nonphysical.

They sometime fall into the category of what is commonly called personality differences. Though you cannot observe these differences by simply looking at a person, they are just as real. Our differences also show in the way we perform our daily tasks, such as loading a dishwasher, squeezing a tube of toothpaste, or hanging a roll of toilet paper. We have different ideas about bringing up children, how to drive a car, how to spend our leisure time, and a thousand other aspects of life. It is because of our differences that we experience conflicts.

The answer to conflict resolution is not in seeking to rid ourselves of our differences but in learning how to make our differences into assets rather than liabilities. Conflict is not a situation where one persons favourite colour is red and the others blue. These disagreements are simply differences of opinion. Conflicts are disagreements in which both spouses feel strongly and their differing opinions affect their behaviour, causing disharmony in the relationship."( from the book 'Everybody Wins' by Dr Gary Chapman).

As life becomes more complicated and fast-paced, communication between two people in a relationship breaks down. We are stretched to the limit, with little energy for our personal lives. We are often left with a sense of isolation and exhaustion at home and in our relationship.

Especially now, a new trend in relationships has emerged. Partners in a relationship believe they are too busy or too exhausted to resolve their relationship issues, and often think their partners are either too demanding or that they just do not understand. If your relationship breaks down it can be the greatest drain on you, also affecting your health and your work.

'Building Lasting Relationships: the Art, Science and Practice' is an awareness creating seminar organized by the Old Girls' Association of Ladies' College for members and the public. A useful seminar for all adults, whether they are married or single. To make the best use of the seminar both partners in a relationship are encouraged to attend.

The event will be held on March 1, 2013 at the Ladies College Hall. Tickets are available at the OGA Secretariat (Telephone 2575469 or 0773 062 111) with all committee members, the School and the DVS. The Secretariat is open on weekdays from 9 am to 1 pm. The seminar starts at 5 pm and should conclude by 6.30 pm. Refreshments will be served from 4.30 to 5 pm.

Understanding what is important to the other person helps a great deal in building a lasting relationship. Whether you are in a relationship, starting over or single, you will discover practical ways to improve your communication, reduce the conflicts and arguments, create harmony with your partner, and enjoy a lasting relationship. You will learn why communication breaks down or why relationships have failed in the past, and what can be done now to help mend the situation or avoid such situations in the future.

Dr. Piyanjali De Zoyza, BA, MA, PhD will give a 20 minute presentation on parent child relationships followed by a 20 minute presentation by Dr. Maya Cockeram MBChB(UK) who will speak on relationships between adults. The panel will include an experienced male counselor who will be available for the discussion and question and answer session that follows. Questions can be sent in advance via email to [email protected] to be discussed at the Q & A session. Question cards will be issued to all participants so that questions can be sent up to the panelists and privacy maintained.