Be smart, clever, SAFE!

Senali S. PERERA

“Do your parents know? Are you going to tell them?” She is terrified. She feels like she just committed a crime, saying yes to the guy of her dreams who just asked her out. At the same time, she is excited. She is torn between the exhilaration and the guilt. She is ready to face whatever comes her way. Is this right? Is this wrong? The answer is still unclear. She is young. And so is he. Are they doing the right thing? Most adults would disapprove. They say that young hearts run free but where will they end up?

Love and sex

“This is rather a serious issue and should be considered carefully,” says Senior Lecturer, Department of Sociology and Anthropology, University of Sri Jayewardenepura, Dr. Praneeth Abeysundara. “In modern society, the young generation has a vast access to the world. They are exposed to subjects like love and sex and they learn a lot of things through social networks like Facebook,” he says further.

“There are two sides to this. Good as well as bad.” And we have always been taught that we should filter the bad out and learn only the good that something has to offer. If you are in your late teen years, you should understand that you are not a little kid anymore. You bear a certain responsibility about your life and you are old enough to know good from bad. So be careful when you let these things change your life. It might seem cool to ‘go with the flow’ but your journey of life is not to be taken simply.

“In the past, teenagers exchanged letters and their relationships were simple,” says Abeysundara. “But now, even through literature, they highlight sex. Classics are not appreciated. Today’s information society promotes sex and violence.

This gives improper examples to children.” Further, he says that sexual relationships are more common among teenagers than true love itself. This obviously is not to be encouraged. This might lead an innocent life in to a mess. It has to be prevented beforehand. Teenagers should be smart enough not to confuse sexual intentions with love. Guys, you should respect yourselves enough to protect your innocence and thus, leading your lives into a respectable future.

Love relationships

“In Sri Lanka, we hardly have a sex education,” says Abeysundara. “Some teachers do try to include the art of living into their lessons but this does not happen often enough.” It seems the way our young generation is guided leaves something to be desired. It is your responsibility and mine to talk to our children openly and guide them towards the correct path.

It is a significant point in the relationship between the child and the parents when their teenage child gets involved in a love relationship. More often than not, disagreements rise between them and this might lead them into arguments. “My parents are very strict,” says fifteen-year-old Sharfa. “A few of my friends have boyfriends. I like that too. But I cannot talk to my Mom about it. So I am writing a romantic story. I hide it from my parents. If they find out, they will kill me!”

Why does it have to be this way? “In modern society the child and the parent both seem to be isolated. They do not share their feelings with each other,” says Abeysundara “They do not have anyone to talk to. Therefore, children might go looking for comfort in someone else -a boyfriend or a girlfriend.” When the child does not meet the will of the parents, how should they solve the disagreement without hurting each other? To this, Abeysundara answers: “Love relationships between teenage girls and boys are natural. But if you try to punish them for it, the situation will turn bad. The children should be educated properly.” Talk to them; discuss the problem openly and in a civilized way. Share your feelings. Educate them about this beforehand.

A proper time table

“I was just eleven years old when I first saw her,” says seventeen-year-old Gayan. “I do not know what happened to me. I studied her, wanting to know if she was the one for me. I liked her because she did not have many guy-friends, she was quiet and she had very long hair. Now she is my girlfriend and she is perfect for me.” Teenagers believe they know that depth of love better than the cupid himself. “We cannot judge whether these relationships are right or wrong.

They are natural. What we can do is, teach our children to live according to a proper time table.” By this Abeysundara means that children should be guided to a life with a proper education (Dharma), a proper job to earn money (Artha), a proper marriage at the proper age (Kama) and a spiritual life (Moksha). This is the way of living followed by the Brahmans in India. Everything properly at the proper time.

“I find a great release in him,” says eighteen-year-old Ishara. “I have to deal with my family problems and my studies impose a big pressure on me. And when I am with my boyfriend, everything feels easier. I can share my problems with him. He is always there for me.”

“Child abuse can cause teenagers to start love relationships,” says Abeysundara. “Especially in rural areas, it is common that the Father is drunk every day or the Mother is working abroad and thus, children live under pressure, they are being abused.” Children search for a release, they need freedom. They find it in someone else and they start to believe that that is where their worlds belong. By getting involved in a relationship, they find what they are looking for an escape.

A disturbance

Abeysundara confirms that the pressure of today’s education leads teenager to search freedom from love relationships. “Sri Lankan children live under pressure. The syllabuses are sometimes too heavy for them.” But can they manage their education and their romances together?

“I study a lot especially because of this,” says seventeen-year-old Amaya. “He encourages me to study and now I score better marks than before.” But Kalum on the other hand says a different story. “My marks are getting lower with each exam. I have to keep in touch with her twenty four/seven so it is hard to concentrate on my studies. But please, do not tell my girlfriend!” Abeysundara agrees with the latter. “Love relationships are a disturbance to the education of teenagers,” he says. “If you lose concentration, it is hard to get it back. Nowadays, children have to go for extra classes and with their busy schedules, I hardly think they have enough time to spare for romances.”

“Nowadays most teenagers lack assertiveness,” says Abeysundara. “They should have the courage to say ‘do not touch me’ if someone does something they do not like. This is important.” Be smart and brave enough to save yourself from an abusive relationship anytime. Be your own guard. Speak up against things that you do not approve.

Is it right? Is it wrong?

It is complicated. One cannot simply stand up and shout a direct answer. However, the bottom line should be: be smart, be clever, be safe. It is your life. Enrich your bonds as a family.

Your life is precious. The relationships you create stay with you forever. You might as well collect healthy, beautiful memories to keep you company in your long life’s journey.

Pictures by Sulochana Gamage