Maddening meddling muddlers

Gaston de Rosayro

I am the kind of person who gives people the benefit of the doubt. When people do, or say, something stupid, I do not jump to the conclusion that they are doing anything intentionally bad. Just stupid!

I know what being stupid is. I, myself, have been stupid on many occasions, and I do not pride myself that I hold the copyright for this behaviour. There is a difference between asking personal questions and interesting questions. But asking about one’s income, one’s age or one’s weight I consider intrusive. I mostly blast the meddling muddler with the old adage: “Never ask a man his wage, or a woman her age!”

I consider myself to be a private person. My closest friends’ and family, are the only ones that have the ‘inside scoop’ on my personal life. So, you can imagine that I have a lot of experience fending off impudent questions!

Most of the time when someone asks you an inquisitive question, you are caught off guard. It can make you annoyed, angry and even depressed. Think about it. If you are a woman like my friend Ruby who was on the heavy side and had been working on her fitness and trying to lose weight for the past three months. Then out of nowhere she meets an old colleague who asks: “Are you pregnant?” Ruby eyed her coolly and replied: “No not really. It is only a bun in my bundy!”

The list goes on. “Why were you laid off? When are you two planning on getting married? Is your daughter adopted? How come you still are single?

I am sure that you can add a thing or three as well! For each person the questions rub a different sensitive point. On the other hand for some of you, these questions may not be prying. I have always been troubled as to why people ask such cheeky questions. My research led me to perceive that some are unaware that it is an impertinent question.

People have different boundaries when it comes to their personal lives. The person asking you these questions may not consider it a ‘big deal’ because it is not a big deal for him or her. For example, I know that some people are comfortable talking about their personal finances in public. No surprise, I am not one of them!

When they do ask me, I tell them I still have not received my statement from my accountant. Each question relates differently to different people. Another inexcusable reason is. They are curious. They want to feed their snooping mind with the details.

It may be for casual conversation or to spread the word. Or simply, they just do not have anything better to do!Some people think that they should be able to know, and do not understand ‘what the big deal is.’It is not that it is a serious issue, but I still think it is too personal!The painful fact is nosy questions are everywhere.

For some people though, it becomes a habit to get the latest scoop on others’ lives. They keep crossing the line whenever you meet them. Therefore, instead of letting them ruin the rest of your day, you should know how to handle, and get around, their questioning techniques.

Years ago when I was a bachelor, I took a bunch of children to my Colombo beach club. They were the offspring of friends, relatives and neighbours. I was a favoured ‘uncle’ of sorts, although being far removed from anything to do with their creative process.I trooped in to the clubhouse in similarity to a general with a dozen midget troops in tow.

A curious fellow member’s wife queried: “Are these children all yours?”I swivelled around and faced her surrounded by my kiddy entourage. And then I snapped quite casually: “Only half of them. The others were abandoned stragglers I found on the beach some years ago and decided raise them. You see. I believe it’s cheaper to have them by the dozen.”

Then there was a neighbour nicknamed ‘Percival Pops’ who had fathered 14 children.’Pops’ and his wife Olivia said they were leaving the kid count up to God. Having a mega-family turned the devoutly Christian couple into local sensations. Olivia when questioned simply said: “We’ve been doing the same thing everyone else has, we just have something more to show for it.” And ‘Pops’ was quick to give credit to divine assistance proclaiming with a trace of humility: “ I just do my part and leave it to God to do the rest!”

I recently accompanied two independent-minded 30-something nieces to a cocktail party when a nosy-parker buck asked:”

How come you two are not married yet? They both smiled sweetly and fired back in unison: “Because you haven’t asked yet!”Not surprisingly the same question was asked by a curious middle-aged lady.

The girls tittered and one of them quipped: “Just lucky, we guess. We are waiting until we get to be your age.”

And then of all people they had to field the same question from this pan-cake faced serial divorcee. The old dame was clad in a red sheath of a dress. Her hair aided by a wig, I suspect, was piled in a top-knot like a swollen beehive. It is what was known as the popular ‘gus mutti’ hairstyle of the 70s. One of the girls completely unfazed fired back: “We would. But we have observed too many unsuccessful ones. Besides, marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce!”

And then there was old ‘Aunty ‘ Topsy who was a parody of Victorian propriety. Her beastly wastrel husband was an abusive bully. He was a veteran tippler who had many a raging battle with the bottle.

Concerned and good intentioned family members urged Aunty Topsy to kick him out and file for divorce.But Aunt Topsy was willing to simply grin and bear it. No one could argue with her rationale which sounded so very practical: “A man in the house is worth two in the street!”

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