Excuse me! You forgot the magic words!

Gaston de Rosayro

When I was growing up, my parents and teachers taught me to be polite to others. Admittedly I have not always been so, but due to their guidance I was and am aware it of when I am being impolite to someone and often follow it up with an apology. Even the smallest lessons in etiquette are important and are best begun at a young age.

We learn over the years how to be better etiquette teachers. That is because we have learned that kids, as well as adults, respond well if they have choices and options. Since manners will vary from place to place, ‘etiquette’ is simply defining that manners are our way of showing respect for one another, then teens should be shown respect and taught how to show it back.

“Say thank you!” That phrase is one of the first things many parents teach their child to say. Have you ever thought about why that is? Of course, saying thank you is the polite thing to do whenever someone gives you something, says something nice about you, or helps you in some way. It is common courtesy. But saying thank you goes beyond just common courtesy. If you do it right, it can be a real expression of gratitude. And as a side benefit, it can improve your finances. Politeness pays, because people are more likely to treat you well if you treat them well to begin with.

For example, if you have a problem with a product or service, be friendly and polite when explaining the problem. Generally speaking, people want to work with you to resolve your problem, and they will be more likely to go out of their way to do so if you are nice and polite. Politely asking if there are any discounts available or if a fee can be waived often works well too. (Especially when compared to being demanding or rude.)

I am of the mind that it never hurts to ask, as long as you ask nicely. And it often helps. In our community you never know who you might meet at a conference or a workshop, or who might be the ideal person to collaborate with on your next personal project; so it never pays to burn your bridges before you even reach them.

But listen to the conversations around you. The banter of your colleagues at the office. The questions posed by your customers in your everyday dealings. The supermarket queue. The many people who serve you. Those you serve. And the people you meet each day. How often have you heard words such as: “Give me a big burger,” or an abrupt “Hand me that stapler!

A question posed by a customer

Being polite to others

Notice anything missing? The traditional magic words “please” and “thank you” that many people learn as children appear to be disappearing. We are actually noticing the gradual vanishing of courteous language. It is sad but there is more and more evidence of the slow erosion of the ‘magic words’ in our everyday vernacular.

When you work in an environment with a lot of people and a lot of stress, it is very easy to be rude and short with people. One of the mottos I love is “you judge the true character of a person when they are at their lowest”. It is easy to treat people well when you are feeling “up” but what about the times when you are not feeling 100 percent? How do you treat people then? If you see any of these behavioural patterns intervention needs to happen right away. Do not let these attitudes infect your organization. Take the high road - do not let this behaviour continue or your organization will pay the price.

No matter how you feel, tired, sick, angry, worried, stressed, rudeness is never acceptable. If there is a serious issue you are facing, seek counselling but do not bring negativity to work. Weak leaders wear all their emotions on their sleeve, great leaders take control of how they feel for the good of the whole. Stop being selfish by bringing your team down with your bad attitude. No one denies how you feel but that does not give you licence to act that way.

People become rude by hanging around rude people. You break them out of it by showing them what you can get when you are not rude. People who are rude or stubborn have issues with their self esteem and often feel inadequate. The two traits are not necessarily from the same source or within the same people but can be handled in a similar manner.

To argue or try to convince a stubborn person that they are wrong only builds their resolve that they are right and they will hold their views even tighter. When you encounter a stubborn person who you believe has the wrong idea or opinion, do not confront the idea or opinion. Give them the benefit of the doubt, express your idea or opinion in an even handed manner and agree to wait and see.

Do this consistently. When someone gets to know that you are not accusing them or treating them as stupid, they will be less confrontational or stubborn to you in the future.

The most important technique when interacting with a rude person is to never respond in kind. Show them by example, as suggested in the first answer, how to behave toward others. Even if you are spoken to in a rude manner, respond in a polite or matter of fact manner as you would if someone asked you for the time.

Etiquette and courtesy encompass two interrelated and essential components: principles and manners. The principles of respect, consideration and honesty are universal and timeless. But manners change over time and from culture to culture. Lack of etiquette, whether from man or woman is something that bothers us immensely. If you speak rudely, you will be disliked. If you pig out or eat voraciously, you will be looked at with disdain.

If you sit sloppily, you lack manners. Even when talking on the phone, you need a certain decorum, and along with sending emails, there are etiquette rules to observe.

All these means one thing - etiquette is part of everyday life. Be polite to, and respect each other. It pays off in the end.

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