Don’t our children matter to us anymore?

Personally, I find any news unpalatable when it is about a missing child. Last week was a lot more unpalatable; a five year old boy had been abused beyond all accepted norms and died as a result of his injuries.

He was my daughter’s age - something tugged at my heart as I read about his injuries and eventual death. He was finally at peace, beyond the grip of his evil father who had repeatedly abused the boy. Then there was the story about the toddler who was kidnapped - by her own uncle - demanding a ransom. Mercifully, police acted fast and the girl was found.

On top of this comes the story of a six year old girl whose father was killed while both of them rode the bike and who has since been taken away by the assailants who shot her father. She was lucky enough to be found, apparently left with her aunt before her father set out on his fateful journey.

Something is very very wrong in our world as we know it. We used to be a people who were moved at the slightest misfortune of a fellow human being. We used to be a people whose children, according to Robert Knox, were raised by the entire village. The dynamics seem to have changed drastically since. In today’s context, it seems the most harmful folk reside in the child’s immediate and trusted circle.

National framework

I remember reading the much loved children’s author Sybil Wettesinghe’s book on her enchanting childhood spent in the serenity of an unspoilt Southern village in the early part of the 20th century. She talks of walking alone to a nearby school, eating a hopper ‘the size of a plate’ at a village eatery. Children could trust their immediate environs that were safe enough to roam, back then. Today, any parent would want to hover over a child going to school or for outside activity. Yes indeed dynamics have changed.

And yet there are mechanisms in place that are supposed to protect the children. They need to develop a national framework that will prevent abuse of the innocents across the different institutions. Although the society at large will express shock at an incident of child abuse, it seems the majority can digest the news with their breakfast.

Mental health issues

We need to come out of the shock state and do whatever we can to ensure we keep our children safe from the prowlers. We have this habit of blaming outside when things go wrong but as seen over and over again, children are abused by those closest to them, those they trust. The little girl who was kidnapped from her Montessori willingly went with her uncle because she knew him and felt safe with him. We need to look inward and closer - be vigilant not only when things go wrong but all the time. We all know that most abusers themselves have been abused as children. They have lived with deep scars and festering wounds inside of them that somehow drives them to harm an innocent child. If we as a society can address mental health issues better, we may be able to discover would-be perpetrators who can be dealt with before they actually commit a crime.

The parents need to be more vigilant than they seem to be. Trusting someone else with your child is something that must be done carefully, slowly and having evaluated the individual adequately. Even when you so entrust someone with your child, you need to watch for clues. If the child displays behaviour not in line with his or her normal behaviour patterns, let that be a red flag for attention.

We as parents need to develop listening and observation skills. Listen to our children not merely hear them - there is a difference. Mothers watching TV or fathers busy at work may hear what the children are saying but not acutely listen. We need to be attuned more to our children - watch for behaviour that may tell a story. An abused and victimized child will always try to tell the story in many different ways than what can be termed typical.

As a society, we owe it to ourselves to keep our children safe from those that can cause them harm. Sometimes the prowlers are online, while your child is communicating with him/her in the relative safety of home environs. We need to be vigilant on all areas and that means constantly being aware of the environs around our children, policing the areas that need monitoring.

Children are our most precious asset - we owe it to ourselves and to the society at large to do whatever we can to keep them protected and safe.

Let us start 2012 on a note of safety and concern for our children.