The alphabet conspiracy
Amalshan GUNARATHNE
The commander surveyed the battlefield and ordered his minions to
stand down for a moment.
“Don’t attack him just yet, wait till he goes to the seminary of
torment.” he said.
“Yes sir.” the leader of the ‘Platoon X’ replied.
The commander gazed at his army. It was an army of alphabets, made
of various letters, words and formulas. The ‘Platoon X’ was the
commander’s favorite. They had it all. They were armed with mind ripping
poisonous syrup that could wreck havoc in any little one’s brain. The
Platoon X was ideal to carry out his evil schemes, the commander felt.
A sense of sadistic satisfaction ran through his brain cells, as he
recalled the times where he attacked the brain cell of a ten year old
using his favourite alphabet platoon. The ‘Platoon Z’ also provided
necessary support. The little one had no clue as to what hit him.
Platoon X and Platoon Z ambushed the little one’s brain cells and
demanded that he should solve the intricate formula. They blackmailed
him and tormented the little one till he cried in anguish.
“30-X=2(Z-21), X=Z (10+12) solve the value of ‘X’ my dear young one
or else you will live a life of suffering.” The Platoon X demanded.
The little one knew that his life depended on him solving the
formula. His future, dreams and all of his life depended on him solving
the formula. Yet just the thought of going through all the torturous
pain of solving the formula sickened him.
“Do I have to solve this mommy?” He asked his mother.
“Of course you do sweetie. If you don’t solve the formula, your life
will turn out to be a huge mess and you will forever stay as a loser.”
The mother replied in a very affectionate tone.
“But mom, it is killing me. All those intricate mathematical
formulas, mind vexing puzzles, I just hate them all. I feel like my head
is about to explode. I just hate it.” The little one complained.
“No, this is your life. I won’t ever let you out till you solve the
formula. You are to stay in your chamber till you solve the formula.”
The mother suddenly burst in to frenzy.
She closed the door and went out of the room. Thus the alphabet
platoons began to conspire on how to kill the little one’s brain cells.
They invaded his brain cells from all sides. Guns blazing, the platoon X
came and tore away the little ones playful brain strings. Then the
commander ordered,
“Put on your gas masks. Now uncork the gas bombs. Let it all out on
his head. Spread it around, wrap his head around with poisonous gas and
make sure you kill his childhood once and for all.”
Thus they released the poisonous gas on the child’s head. The plan
was executed perfectly and child began to follow their alphabet ways.
***
Then suddenly his mind shifted to the matter at hand. He felt his
current assignment not to be an easy one. His latest assignment was to
conquer the brain of a ten year old child who doesn’t care one bit about
Alphabet intricacies. They have been monitoring the child’s behavior for
some time now. This one has a bag of tricks. Some days he fakes
sicknesses, so that he does not have to go to school. Even if goes to
school, he does not care a thing about what the teacher has to say. On
other days, half way during the school times he escapes from the school
walls and go to the nearby wood to play with his fellow mates. The child
needs to be tamed, they felt.
Thus the commander ordered:
“My dear fellow warriors, I don’t think that the task at hand will be
an easy one. The subject’s name is Adam. He is wild and untamed. He has
not been following our alphabet theories at all. He needs to be taught a
lesson. We need to convince him that without following us he can’t live
life. We need to induce him in to following our alphabet ways. Platoon
X, you are to tackle the subject head on and black mail him in to
following our ways. Platoon Z, you are to invade his living room and
cover it with poisonous gas, so that his wild senses will feel blurred.”
Thus they marched. They marched to Adam’s room and waited till he
returned from his usual evening play session. The wait was not a long
one. Adam was perspiring with sweat, after a long play session with his
mates. He sat down and took off his sweaty t-shirt. Then he ran to his
fish tank and started to feed them. His eyes glittered with joy and
delight, as his fish friends rushed in to take their evening meal. Yet,
his joy was short-lived. The door burst open and his mothered entered
the room with a look of utter contempt in her eyes.
“Adam, where have you been? Your class teacher phoned and told me you
were not in the class. Don’t you know that if you keep on fooling
around, you will never ever have a future? You can’t do this to
yourself. Life is not a playground. You have to study; you have to
become a gentleman.”
“Oh stop it mom, I don’t want to be a gentleman. I hate gentlemen,
the way they think so highly of themselves, as if everyone else is so
inferior. And also the way they stick to their attires and routines,
their ties and coats, I just hate them. They drive million dollar cars
just to show off their class. I wonder whether they have ever been to a
wood. I wonder whether they have ever ridden in a pony. What is that
life mom? I don’t want to be a gentleman, they make me sick.” Adam
screamed in sheer frenzy.
“Come on child, your teacher specifically called me and asked me to
make you do your homework. Here, it is not a big deal, take this book
and solve those formulas.” Mother said while handing him the book.
Adam kept looking at his book. Somehow none of the intricate formulas
made any sense to him. He wanted to tear the book to pieces. The
division, subtraction, multiplication and all the mathematical jargons
began to cause havoc in his little brain. Then the platoon X approached
him and whispered:
“Dear little one, we know that you hate us. But you don’t have any
other option than to follow us. You can’t expect to go on fooling around
forever. Whether you like it or not you have to follow us.”
“If I don’t follow you what would you do to me?” the child demanded.
“Well, needless to say child, if you don’t follow us, we will make
sure that your life will turn out to be a living hell. Everyone will
look down upon you, no one will respect you, and you will forever have
to live as a loser. Do you want that? Or do you want to become a
gentleman and be respected by others?”
“I told you I don’t want to be a gentleman. I don’t like their
narcissistic luxury ways. I am happy with living a simple life. I have
friends, I have my doggy, fish, and they love and respect me no matter
what. I just don’t want to ruin my happiness by following some mind
vexing, annoying, infuriating mathematical formula.” Adam again shouted
in sheer rage. Then he took the book and began to tear its pages to bits
and pieces.
“I don’t want you. Get out of my head, stop ruining my life and just
let me be.” Adam shouted.
The alphabet army was taken aback by the Adam’s reaction. The platoon
Z stepped in and tried to spread his poisonous gas. Yet, it did not seem
to make any effect on the child. Adam ran out of his room, in to the
garden and then he kept on running till he reached the woods. As he ran,
he kept on muttering to himself,
“I am sick of books.”
The alphabet army did not know what to do. Apparently, they have
failed to capture one victim. However they kept on following Adam. They
followed him all the way to the woods, only to find Adam caressing and
talking to a brownish looking white rabbit.
“I don’t want to be a gentleman, do I? Even if I don’t get through
exams, I know you would still love me. You would, don’t you? My fluffy
white rabbit, I know you will.” He muttered while caressing the rabbit.
However, even amid the adorable scene, Platoon X’s militaristic
attitude did not die down. He thought it was the ideal moment to attack
again. He was just about to run and attack little Adam again, when he
was suddenly stopped by the resolute hands of the commander.
“Halt your attack Platoon X. Just let him enjoy the moment. We need
not capture this one, he is learning on his own way and I guess he will
grow up to become a wonderful young man some day.” The commander said
with a smile on his face.
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