Gender Forum

‘Attitudinal change necessary on women’

Nipuni Wimalapala

Child Development and Women’s Affairs Minister Tissa Karaliyedda spoke to Daily News Gender Forum on negative gender issues and how to counter them.

“To upgrade the woman’s situation in Sri Lanka, there should be an immediate attitudinal change which could be done via proper counselling and advocacy,” the minister noted.

“Women’s issues have become a most discussed and criticized topic in many ways. But still there is no proper programme to handle these sensitive issues. I need to do a considerable change that will affect the society positively.” Minister Karaliyadde said.

Sri Lanka has achieved gender equality more than many other developing countries. Today’s women comprise the majority of many fields, although they continue to face gender barriers in certain situations.

There is a number of specific achievements Sri Lankan woman has achieved. This is much better compared with other regional countries.

The country had a female president, a female prime minister, female politicians, doctors, engineers and so on. There are various significant female figures too in the country. This means that there are no obstacles to women which restrict their development.

“Scanning our history we can see the local women were allowed to be educated and to choose the field what they really prefer. It is evident that majority of Sri Lankan girls are really interested in education to be professionals. Among educated people, gender discrimination occurs hardly.

“So as a whole, it is obvious that women are not discriminated much. But unfortunately there are many instances where women are suppressed because of the gender.”

Especially when it comes to different communities in Sri Lanka there is a number of beliefs and attitudes which help discriminate women.” Minister Karaliyadde observed.

As the minister elucidated it is an evident fact that in Sri Lanka a woman has a very good position in family. Most women are given priority, protection and care by men in a family. But there are particular situations, where women are totally suppressed even by their family members.

They experience domestic violence which is considered a personal matter. Some women, tortured by men, are helpless. They face various types of problems hard to overcome.

The numerous issues related to Sri Lankan woman derive primarily from their social background, poverty, lack of education, lack of health education and lack of sexual education.

These issues are rooted in certain social groups and it is really hard to get rid of them. “These facts make things hard to solve. Gender inequality mainly occurs in uneducated social groups in rural areas of the country. They have certain attitudes towards women. There are very narrow ideas rooted in their minds and they have to be washed away to achieve the expected gender equality.” Minister emphasised.

Lack of education makes things worse, which cannot be reversed ultimately. Female teenagers give up education shortly and become sexual victims of men willingly or unwillingly. However the ultimate outcome is getting pregnant.

This is considered stigma for the victim herself and the society as a whole. They do not know how to look after the baby. As a result both mother and child suffer their lives. “The worst thing is that these girls lose their childhood and education. They lose what they really want to enjoy.

They become mothers when they also need comforts under the care of their mothers. So this is a tragedy we have to stop somehow.” The minister said.

The woman should also be well educated on sexual health. Birth-control methods have to be introduced properly. Women undergo endless hardships due to poverty which results in a chain of problems.

They give birth to many babies and none of them is properly brought up because of lack of essential requirements such as food, clothes and medicine. They do not have required facilities to carry on prosperous life.

“Being a male, what I specifically noticed is that women have to look into other women’s issues in a tender manner. Women themselves should possess deep understanding over other women. But I could not see this in most places today. Unfortunately some women engage in abusing other women.

You can see this especially when the women handle the sex workers. The woman does that to another of her own gender. So it is essential for the woman to safeguard people of her own gender.” Minister Karalliyadde observed.

Migration of Sri Lankan women to the Middle East and other countries is another issue. The migration of women is a beginning of an endless chain of problems. The chain brings worse results to the society. Most uneducated poor women think going abroad to earn money is a simple way to resolve problems. But they do not think that it would affect their children. Absence of mother to a child is a worst thing - no one can replace mother’s role. If there are young girls who have reached adolescence or yet to be, mothers must think of their security and protection. They are the group which is prone to be abused and other sexual harassment. Women must be more responsible about their children. Priority should be given to children. But unfortunately some mothers do not bother.

“Currently we are planning to implement some laws and regulations on women migrating to other countries for the purpose of being employed. Some suggestions are to give an age limit, to assign a close female guardian if there are young daughters. Another plan is to train women as nurses or attendants than to work as housemaids. We try to train women in home nursing services to employ them within the country on non residential basis. So they do not need to go abroad and work hard.” The minister noted.

The minister emphasised the fact that women should understand their capabilities and skills. Even scientifically there are many differences between men and women. So gender equality does not mean that women could do whatever men do. But there are certain areas where women are more talented than men and it happens other way round as well. For instance women have less access to politics, because men are more established in the field. Men can handle it well than women. If a woman needs to be an active politician in Sri Lanka, she is supposed to have a political background or special talents. The best way to handle situation is to work within capabilities cooperatively.

“As a ministry we have to undertake the total responsibility. It is a very complex area to work with since there are different types of issues.

It is really hard to look into each and every small issue separately. But we try to achieve an overall improvement.” Minister noted.

“We carry on some programmes to reduce problems faced by women. We basically try to improve their economic capabilities and we do mainly focus on rural areas. We have started to promote the clay industry and we give cows to families. Now in some areas women successfully engage in the clay industry and they earn average income which is enough for their necessities. This is a very good achievement we reached. We try to promote this further and we help them find the market with good prices.” Minister Karaliyadde added.

The ministry has also appointed a women’s committee to each Gramaseva devision. Through these committees, the ministry reaches out for women who seek special attention. Women’s problems and needs are easy to identify through the committees.

“I believe it is a very good way to reach the rural women. My idea is we have to work towards the issues to achieve an overall progress. We have to go help women really in need of support. Holding seminars and meetings in five star hotels will do nothing for women. So my effort is to do a positive change to achieve the expected progress,” Minister Karaliyadde concluded.

Conquering ‘the ideal man syndrome’

Samangie Wettimuny

“Marrying a ‘commoner’ was never my wish as a young woman,” says 56-year old Sarojini. Touching her wedding ring with her slender fingers she goes on. “As every young woman I too had an ‘ideal man’ in my mind - a very handsome, outgoing, well-to-do young guy.”

Born to an elite family she had never used public transport and lived a life distanced from ‘ordinary’ people and was always seen among the ‘posh’ crowds.

“However my fate made me travel by train with a distant relative of mine and that tour changed my life, my way of thinking and my attitude towards life completely.” While on board she met a well-educated lower middle class young man who showed a great deal of interest in her. Initially she was horrified at the mere idea of marrying a ‘commoner’, but finally she had to admit that she was head over heels in love with him and that she wanted to marry him.

Today as a mother of two children and a contented wife she tells that she would have regretted it for the rest of her life had she refused his offer 30 years ago. “My decision was a challenge for me, but the correct one. You will never meet ‘the perfect man’ as such men do not exist in reality. It is up to you to make an imperfect man perfect. What matters is genuine love and understanding,” she chuckled, “you can create the man in your mind out of the one you love”.

Not uncommon

Waiting for the ‘ideal man’ is not so uncommon in any society and many girls have their own interpretations of it. While some girls woo fictitious characters like Mr Darcy, others may want their future husbands to have characteristics or appearance similar to their favourite movie stars, cricketers or politicians! So goes the story...

However, Ruwanthi, working for a reputed state organization, who suffered from the aftermath of a lost love, said that she never had a ‘role model’ in her mind. “I did not want to continue the affair as he always tried to control me unnecessarily. I was not even allowed to call my friends or do my job peacefully. So I thought of ending that relationship as I sensed the overhanging dangers of marrying such a man.”

Today she is content to wait till she finds her right partner. “He should be educated, love me for who I am and respect my job and should to understand the difficulties I undergo in my life. If I am ready to make any sacrifices for him he too should be able to do the same in return.” This is her concept of ‘an ideal man’.

But 23-year old Neranjala is not yet ready to give up her struggle. She waits till she meets her ‘ideal man’, a tall, sportive doctor who has an estate as huge as ‘Pemberley’. “I have already said ‘no’ to a few university guys and I have no regrets.” She laughed.

Not all girls are lucky enough to meet the identical person whom they have in their mind. “But that does not mean it is an impossible task. I have a friend of mine who waited for years till she met the person of her choice. She did eventually find the man she was looking for.” Said Shenali, a 30-year old photojournalist.

According to 27-year old Shashika you should never refuse a boy simply because his characteristics and appearance do not resemble those of your ‘ideal man’. “If he is well educated and well behaved why do you care even if he does not have all the qualities of the man in your dreams? After all ‘a dream is a dream’... Why do you not make use of the man who is ‘in your hand’ thinking of the one ‘in the bush’,” she said.

Sashika now regrets her decision to stop her university affair of several years. “Not that I did not love him. But when my parents brought me a proposal I instantly fell for him as he was socially superior to my boyfriend.

My husband is a millionaire and tries to provide me all the comforts. But to this date I cannot get over the guilt. I know that I still love my university boyfriend.

So it is rather better to consider the emotional aspects too before giving up an affair. I am a victim of this so called ‘ideal man’ concept,” she said wiping her tears away.

What should a girl do if she finds it so difficult to forget a guy she met accidentally, whose eyes she found so innocent and whose disposition she found so pleasant, even though her ‘ego’ compels her to wait for the ‘ideal’ man? What if you suddenly fall in love with a guy who does not have any of the qualities of your ‘ideal’ man whom you have in your mind? What if a girl suddenly ‘finds out’ that she has fallen in love with the guy who was so harsh to her during the first few months of her university life? Thousands of ‘What ifs’ are on the line.

“All your ‘ideal guys’ have ‘uncommon’ characteristics which are hard to find in real life. You find them perfect, noble, and belong to the fairy-tale type because they do not exist in the real world,” says my protagonist Sarojini.

Which option will you take? Waiting till Mr Darcy takes you to Pemberley or start a new life with the one you already know?

To wait or not to wait; that’s the million dollar question

(Names have been changed)

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Marriage, family and the position of women

Samangie Wettimuny

The family has been one of the basic social institutions from time immemorial. In the very early days when people would have been living in herds one of the basic ways of organizing the society would have been the establishment of marriage and family.

But, ironically if these institutions sometimes play a role in imposing restrictions on women which leads to unequal distribution of power, responsibilities, duties and if this discrimination is based on “socially” created interpretations of the role of man and woman in society, can we still hold the same view that the establishment of family has always been beneficial to the society.

Daily News Gender Forum spoke to Dr.Subhangi Herath, Senior Sociologist at the University of Colombo on the evolution of family and marriage , and the role and place of women in these social institutions.

According to Dr. Herath, one of the basic ways of organizing the society was the establishment of marriage and family. It established order in society with regard to sexuality, having children, the responsibility of bringing up children, establishment and accumulation of private property. Some of the other institutions such as religion, political, and educational had emerged much later when the society became much organized.

“The concept of marriage and family started mainly with the introduction of incest taboo which was mainly a controlling tool- that prevented people having sexual relationships with blood relatives. The term “blood relatives” has been defined differently in different societies except among the Pharos of Egypt (where they were allowed to marry their own sisters).” Dr. Herath noted.

Socialization

One of the major reasons why a ‘family” is formed is the complexity of the human socialization process. Socialization of a human child is very different from that of a primordial animal which takes only a few days, one week, one month or a few months. The socialization of a human child takes a much longer period and it has been categorized into groups.

According to the accepted sociological theories the primary socialization takes about seven years and it goes up to 12 years at the secondary level. Since the human child is highly dependent on his or her parents the socialization process and the age of dependency are even longer than that. By forming a family unit human sexuality is controlled into a unit which allows accepted relationships.

According to Dr.Herath, there are arguments that even the patriarchal concept could have been started along with this because it is naturally women’s sexuality that has to be controlled by way of an organized body called family. “In many societies men have opportunities to have sexual relationships outside the family but if you want to establish the paternity of a child then the woman’s sexuality has to be controlled.”

However she highlighted that there had been matriarchal societies where queens had been rulers.

“There are matriarchal elements in Egyptian civilization. Even in Sri Lanka there had been female rulers though the number is quite less when compared with male rulers. If they did not have any authority, they would not have got any chances to rule either a country or a province. Hence I cannot exactly say that the establishment of family go together with that of patriarchal power.”

Private property

Frederick Engels in his “The Origin of the Family, Private Property, and the State” sees the establishment of family as something that paved the way for the establishment of private property. Going beyond public property, going beyond early Communism where people enjoyed natural resources together, the establishment of family necessitated the acquisition of private property because the issue of property ownership came up.”When private property became a widespread phenomenon there had to be some control of it. What you inherit now will be enjoyed by the next generation. This was the main point raised by Engels. “The existence of private property paved the way for the establishment of State as there had to be proper order and discipline in society to control private property ownership. The establishment of all three phenomena family, property and the state was seen as a consequence of one situation”.

“Engels refers to the issue of women in the same book where he talks of controlled female sexuality as a result of the establishment of paternity which played a vital role in property inheritance. However I think this is more applicable to European countries than to the Asia -Pacific region. As I said earlier if women had no power, there could not have been any opportunities for female leaders such as Cleopatra or Queen Anula to flourish. Also the worship of goddesses, the idea of worshipping mother god also imply that women had a significant place in society. However later as a result of the concept of Monotheism the ‘procrative Power’ was shifted from woman to man” she said.

To be continued