‘Mutual respect, key to happy marriage’

Nipuni Wimalapala

Maintaining the balance between professional and domestic life is a major problem faced by employed women today. Women try to overcome it in many ways. It is really hard to hold a responsible occupation while being a good housewife and a mother.

Professor Kusuma Karunaratne who has been performing quite well at both fronts shared her experience with the Gender Forum.

Professor Kusuma Karunaratne

Having held many responsible posts such as Acting Vice Chancellor, Head of the Department of Sinhala, University of Colombo and Dean of the Faculty of Graduate Studies, University of Colombo, Prof Karunaratne’s professional life was undoubtedly an extremely busy one.

“I was a very busy person who held many high positions and had to allocate a lot of time to them rather than to my family and domestic life. But still I could manage everything and I could perform my duties and responsibilities very well as a wife and mother.” Prof Karunaratne said.

Inspiration

“My husband is the inspiration behind my success. He had a very good understanding of my situation and always encouraged me to achieve my targets. Most importantly he always knew what his wife’s difficulties were. Though being in two totally different fields, we could lead a very happy family life.” She said.

Her perspective is, in a marriage, everything depends on proper understanding. If the husband and wife are intelligent enough to understand each other’s thoughts, targets, preferences and difficulties, there are only a few chances for conflicts to occur. A wife is always being subjected to many hardships even physically. After giving birth to a baby, a woman has to face many physical difficulties. During this period, especially an employed woman should receive her husband’s total attention, love and care.

According to Prof. Karunaratne, the major factor is husband’s support and it plays a key role in a wife’s success. “If a husband understands his wife and treats her well, the wife will be happy and satisfied. If both are employed, there is no doubt that both are tired after work. But most of the time the wife has to do the household work alone. In certain cases, if the husband tries to help her even in a small way, it means a lot to her. A husband could help his wife in two ways, mentally and physically. Giving his attention, care and love makes her happy and gives her mental strength. And also if the husband is ready to share the household work it is a blessing to a busy wife.”

“Today in many houses, children are not being properly looked after because of the busy lifestyle of the parents - especially the mothers being employed.” She pointed out that if both parents are contributing to the well-being of the family both economically and spiritually, most of the problems could be solved. Most of the time problems rise when the husband does not take difficulties of the wife into consideration. So the husband has a responsibility to understand the condition of his wife.

Strong bond

According to Prof. Karunaratne, the base of a family unit is the understanding between the husband and the wife. If the bond is strong and cannot be influenced by other factors, serious problems will not occur. When the base is damaged, the whole thing will collapse.

“Husband and wife should respect each other. My husband and I are from two different fields, still we lead a very happy married life. This is because we have understood each other really well and we respect each other’s professions very well. I am grateful to him that he has never made me feel that I am doing something less important.”

She said, though she is a very busy person, she is always passionate about her duties as a wife and a mother. As a Sri Lankan woman what she believes is women could be educated and employed, but have to work within our cultural values. We, as women, should think that it is our duty to cook for our husband and children. You should not see it as a burden. It is something we can be proud of.

In today’s context most of the young educated couples who are about to marry are very intelligent and they do discuss matters with each other. “The best solution is to discuss each other’s problems and difficulties before getting married. They should understand each other well and respect each other’s professions. Men should understand that they do not have a right to put restrictions on their wives’ careers. If a woman is willing to continue on her professional life after marriage, the husband should not make any restrictions.” Professor Karunaratne opined.

Mothers have to be very careful when bringing up children. Special treatment should not be given to sons. It is the responsibility of mothers to convince children that both genders are to be equally treated.

She finally noted: “It is not quite difficult to maintain a balance between professional life and domestic life if one has an understanding husband who is willing to share.”