'For you, a thousand times over'

Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.
-Mark Overby

I pen these words at the exact date. But it is a year later, in a different place and a different time.

It is not as if the thought had been eating at me or that I had been ticking off days in the calender till May 6. The day started off with an odd sentiment. It was as if a gut feeling was telling me that the day had more in store for me than I knew. It was a feeling that I just couldn't pinpoint or shake off.

Afternoon dawned and with it the hour approached. What was this strange feeling that befell me? What was this veil which covered me and began to choke me till I thought that my lungs will burst? Then it struck me. My eyes were burning. A dagger plunged into old wounds.

Nothing's forgotten... Nothing is ever forgotten...

The last time I set eyes on you, the last moment you uttered my name, the last day you held my hand... All these are treasured memories, frozen in time.

You can stitch a torn cloth. You can glue together a cracked vase. You can piece together a electronic device when it doesn't work but how do you mend a broken heart?

You can surf the internet for weeks and buy every self help book available at the market but you are going to be hard pressed to find anything that will give you a remedy to a broken heart.

Your survival instincts will tell you to dive into a deep period of self-evaluation and improvement. The bitter part of you fires you up with general hatred towards fate and the opposite sex. The 'optimists' will always tell you, "don't worry something better awaits you". However, when the pain of loss is ravaging your body these words of advice seem more like trying to talk a virus out of creating an infection.

Just like there is no magical drug that can cure a virus, you have no other choice but to let your broken heart just run its course. It may be burying yourself deep in your work, finding any form of distraction or weeping it all off, but finally you emerge out of your shell. You feel like you can live again.

Time pass. Some simply crave to erase these recollections because they evoke bitter feelings while for others the memories are bittersweet. Their love for their partner is cremated deep within their heart. From time to time these sweet memories surface but nothing in the world would make them wish that they had never set eyes on their partner.

Months later my friend asks, "Shehara, if you were to turn back time, would you have done things differently? Would you have made different choices, undone or taken back some of the words once spoken between you?"

"Never," I said because my past with you is an untarnished gift. Yes, there are moments that I would sacrifice almost anything to be back by your side, to lean my head on your shoulder and look into your eyes. Words need not be spoken, actions need not betray how we felt about each other. I will endure all that which fallowed and more. Only one phrase that I have come across had set these emotions to words: 'For You, a Thousand Times Over'

Shehara

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