On mirrors that show blemish and absences
Lanil Kalubowila, schoolmate, President’s Scout, rowing coloursman
and a colourful individual for many other reasons, had figured out many
things at the age of 20 that most of us are still struggling to
understand. Sometime in the middle of the year 1994, Lanil came up with
a brilliant analogy about reality and illusion: ‘Everyone sees the film,
but not a dog will see the screen.’
The outer covering which for the most part is fiction is a thin film
and perhaps it is this flimsy quality that makes it so impregnable. Just
look around. There are some 500 plus slum/shanty communities living in
Colombo, but it is possible for someone to live an entire lifetime
without even dreaming that half the city’s population lives in such
areas.
Multiple human being
Look at the people around you. You see them dressed in the clothes
that define their moment-role; student, teacher, executive, policeman,
politician etc. Is that all that they are though? What kind of woman
lives behind make-up and what kind of human being beyond gender
identity? We are not required to by law, convention or any other formal
or informal contract to do so, but do we check out the multiple human
being that reside in a single individual with the kind of scrutiny
devoted to assessing appropriateness of dress, for example? I am not
saying that people should or even could figure out even a fraction of
the real human-being inside the figure one encounters or that such
scrutiny should be par for the course in all encounters.
It would have to be bored individual with nothing much to do with his
or her life who would have the time and patience for such
‘interrogation’. I am not unaware of course that there are people who
derive much pleasure from such examination but the vast majority of
human beings have better things to do. The vast majority, on the other
hand, don’t bother to examine at all, for them are more worried about
how they are perceived than about perceiving others.
So let’s take that as bottom line. Forget everyone else. Let’s talk
about self. Let’s talk about the real us and the fiction we project; the
person under the skin and the skin, that which others cover us with or
want to cover ourselves with or which we clothe over our panchaskandaya
(the five aggregates) because we want to be seen in a particular way or
conform to ‘dress code’ so to say. Let’s forget about other fictions and
focus on self.
Magic mirror
I was thinking the other day about Snow White’s stepmother and the
question she puts to the magic mirror: ‘Mirror, mirror on the wall, who
is the fairest of them all?’ It occurred to me that this is not a fairy
tale query but a question whose answer to tell ourselves countless times
every day. We don’t ask, because we know. Each of us will say ‘I am the
fairest of them all’ or some version of this thesis.
Mirrors are devices that affirm self-image. We comb our metaphorical
hair or cover up a blemish with one of many powders we have such easy
access to (the most potent being self-delusion), we look at pockmarks
and warts and imagine them all away. We live the lie we want others to
believe to be true and end up believing it all ourselves. Maybe this is
necessary to get from moment to moment, job to joblessness, insult to
retort, sorrow to joy.
Mental exercise
We need to sleep well at night. We need to watch the film; after all
we pay bucks to do so. Screens are boring things, free to look at, blank
and uninspiring. There is a lot to be gained, though, if one were to see
screen, go beyond mirror-reflection, pierce ‘self’ and caress self.
Still, there is something so distorting in the mirrors we hold before
ourselves, the ones that allow us to preen and strut, chin-up and
cover-up.
Thinking of mirrors and mirroring, my thoughts went over once again
to the humbling and empowering Pilikul Bhavanava, the meditation on
revulsion. Budun Wahanse advocated a mental exercise of stripping
oneself of each and every body part in order to obtain revelation
regarding both impermanence and the utter fiction that we label as ‘I’.
It helps put ego in context and in containment.
The dismantling of image in mirror can take the same pathway to
self-realization. Just as we mentally undress ourselves of body part, so
too can we divest ourselves of the non-visible warts, i.e., the
‘life-giving’ lies, deceptions, fictions, shortcutting, ant-trampling
and other such character-components. We might find that we are nothing
and in the process discover pathways to becoming something, i.e.,
something of greater human worth, to self and community, lover and
friend, employer and employee, to fellow citizen and stranger.
Shakespeare said the world’s a stage. I think he would not object, if
he were alive, to play with the metaphor and call life a film. We spend
our days watching films unfold before our eyes, in our dreams and within
us; we are the audience and the cast, the chair we sit on and every prop
we see. We are a monumental lie, we feed lies and we happily inhabit a
lying world. We could do better. We could look for the screen that
eludes us.
I am convinced there is a mirror that would brush aside the
who-is-the-fairest question and show instead all the blemishes, squints
and tattoos that were poorly crafted. I don’t think that mirror is among
the pages of a fairytale.
In fact, it could be something you look into everyday as you brush
your teeth, shave, wash your face or apply make up. Yes, right there
before our very eyes. It might be good to put it to better use.
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