Harassment:

Victim vs big bully

Charmaine FERNANDO

Harassment has become a routine happening on the roads when travelling, in schools, within offices and wherever people gather in two or more numbers. Intimidating others has become a common trait of those who believe they are stronger, superior or on a higher levels than those they victimize.

Teasing can lead to devastating consequences that disillusion young lives

Seniors bully juniors abusing their seniority as a weapon to hurt others

But psychologists who are knowledgeable and thorough on the subject are of a totally different opinion. They feel those who harass others are suffering from inadequacy, most often victims of childhood harassment, from broken homes or having had troubled relationship with close family members especially their mother. However it must be taken seriously because the sad thing about harassment is that bullying and teasing, harms both the person being harassed and the big bully.

What is harassment?

Harassment is when hurtful or upsetting things are repeatedly said or done to a person or a group of people. Harassment is also called bullying, teasing or peer abuse. Harassment consist of both verbal violence including teasing and name-calling besides involving physical violence such as hitting, kicking, pinching, punching or pushing. Harassment can also include damaging, stealing or hiding a victim's things, or making demands for money or favours.

Another form of harassment is to exclude victims. This is carried out by encouraging others not to have anything to do with the victim, spreading lies or stories about him, ignoring him and not speaking to him. This can happen to you in office. It may be done by your peers, subordinates or even your boss. It can happen to you in your class. It maybe done by the teacher, student or student group.

Why do people pick on others?

Bullying comes from a belief that it is OK to act that way. Some people believe that it is OK to bully people who are different from them, such as people from different races and cultures, people with disabilities or people who are gay or lesbian.

Bullying takes a dangerous turn in hurting the timid & differently-abled

Some people believe that because they belong to the majority group, they are somehow better than people in minority groups. This means that they might discriminate against and pick on people from minority groups. Sometimes people believe it is OK to bully because they have grown up with violence or harassment in their lives, and have come to believe this is a normal way of relating to others.

When people have been hurt themselves, they could have low self esteem. They may start to feel they have no power in their lives. Harassing others may make them feel more powerful by controlling them. Harassment has its roots in insecurity, disillusionment, ill-treatment and living in an atmosphere of broken homes. Those who harass others are suffering from an inferiority complex which induce them to vent their pent up emotions on others who will not retaliate or resist.

Cyber harassment

Another type of harassment is 'cyber' harassment. This comes in the form of harassing SMS messages on mobile phones, and abusive emails. People can even do it anonymously - so you don't know who it was. A type of electronic stalking can also occur, where the harasser sends messages over and over - this is called 'cyber-stalking'. This type of harassment is particularly scary, as it follows the person everywhere on their phone or computer at home or school.

The best way to avoid this is to be careful to whom you give your personal information. You could also change your phone number and email address. If it continues, you could contact the police or your telephone provider to work out ways of protecting yourself.

Cyber harassments can be disturbing when it gets in the way of your concentrating on studies or work at office. Sometime obscene pictures maybe sent or these culprits hack your email so that you have no access to your own personal email address and contacts. Pornography is rampant on the web and at times they forcibly post themselves on your open window harassing you. These harassments maybe warded off through guidance from your service provider. Filtering all spam-mail too can be handled that way.

To bully or not to bully?

Cyber bullying has opened up a new window on harassment.	Peer pressure can lead youth astray, in to unsociable conduct

Whatever the reason, it is not OK to bully. It is not a habit one cannot shed. It is neither an attitude one cannot skip. People chose to bully and harass. It is possible to take control and learn more positive behavioural choices that don't hurt others.

Victims are sometimes harassed by a group or 'gang' of their peers. Bullies may work in groups so they each feel less guilty about the harassment. It is easier for them to take less responsibility for the bullying by blaming their friends. Members of a group might also join in on harassing a victim because they are worried that if they don't, they will become victims themselves. A bully's self esteem may be low, and being in a group or gang makes them feel more important.

The impact of harassment

Harassment can have serious effects on victims. Low self-esteem and feelings of sadness, anxiety, and loneliness become stronger. They may feel powerless and that they have very little control over their lives. They may stay home from work or school to avoid harassment.

They may develop physical illness, depression and thoughts of suicide. Some people have committed suicide because their lives were made miserable by harassment, and they believed that their situation could never improve. Some people may never get over childhood experiences. They may grow up with poor self-esteem and higher rates of depression than adults who were not bullied as children.

Amazing women of Myanmar

Ganga ILLEPERUMA

The women in Myanmar were amazingly friendly and sweet in my memory since my visit there. In our society there is a wrong assumption that the man is always powerful and they can work harder than women and that the man is the breadwinner of the family. But in Myanmar I experienced a side quite contrary to our belief about the role women play. The uniqueness of women in Myanmar was evident.

Exquisite throatlet is a tribal tradition

They have played an active role in the economic life in their country. They manage the family finances and work along-side their male relatives in family farms and small businesses. On their day to day activities, sometimes they face difficulties to feed their families and to educate their children.

There is no preference for boys in Myanmar. Both boys and girls are equally loved. Some may attach more values to girls. There is a Myanmar saying, that parents usually say when a daughter is born: "Its an assurance of an additional dish on the dining table". In yanmar, the husband and wife share equal household responsibilities.

The husband provides the financial needs and it is the woman who manages the family decision making for providing food, clothing and schooling. The women may go out to work for the social development but they still have the major responsibility to look after the family. The two responsibilities must be balanced for a woman who wishes to lead a harmonious and happy life both at home and in society.

Fortunately, in Myanmar, parents do not have problems like Sri Lankan parents do about giving a dowry to their daughters when they get married. Daughters are not considered a burden as no dowry is paid to the bridegroom. Traditional Myanmar women are not aggressive and usually play second fiddle to their husbands. Women are expected to help with the household chores and take care of their aged parents more than men. Between married couples, public displays of affection were rarely seen on my recent visit. According to my knowledge there are many love marriages in Myanmar but I didn't see much couples with their future partner indulged in leisurely talk.

The status of Myanmar women has always been high since the days of the Myanmar Kings. They enjoy equal rights as men. They do not take the name of the father or husband after marriage. Her name is her own and the name is known from birth to death unless she changes it of her own accord. With regard to education, the literacy rate of women is 73 percent. There is no gender discrimination in the education system.

The Government is making concerted efforts to promote the education status of women and children especially in the rural and remote border areas.

With regard to health, the Government places special emphasis on family health, the most basic and integral unit of society. The health coverage is extended to the rural and far-reaching border areas.

Myanmar is changing to keep up with the market economy and as such, not only the Government sector, but also the private sectors are playing an important role.

The legal system of Myanmar provides equal rights to women and men in the area of business and commerce. The Government is striving towards the emergence of a peaceful, modern and developed nation and it attaches a high priority for the child's development and the advancement of women.

Women work harder in Myanmar

In modern day Myanmar, people still use the traditional cosmetic known as Thanaka, as a daily cosmetic and skin conditioner. Thanaka is made from the branches of the sandalwood tree. It is a common sight on the streets of most towns and cities to see people, especially women with swipes of powdery yellow paint on their cheeks, noses or arms. Myanmar is still a hidden beauty, of the world but it offers opportunity for hundreds of marvelous excursions. Since I went to many parts of Myanmar such as Yangon, Bagan, Mandale and Heho I saw the different types of tribes still living there. Among those tribes,

one tribe of women wore bangles on their necks. It was amazing! Some women wore black colour dresses and they covered their hair in orange colour pieces of cloth.

When I passed the paddy fields and farms on the way to Pindaya cave, I saw many women working. Some mothers tied their babies on their back and worked whole day under the hot sun. I could see the floating market in Inle Lake and there were many women who rode the boats and sold their goods to the tourists. Bagan is famous for laksha industry and majorities were women in their work place. Mandale is the second capital city of Myanmar and is famous for gold leaf industry.

The gold leaf is so thin and light and to smooth out wrinkles, the girls just blow gently on it. They have a special brand for Myanmar umbrellas and the whole process is almost finished by the hands of women.

The women who live in Myanmar, play a significant role in the economic sector in Myanmar. They are very responsible to their families and most of them are bread-winners. Among these duties of their lives, Myanmar women do not forget to share their innocent and

lovely smile with others. They were amazingly friendly and kind. The thought and memories of Myanmar is something I will always treasure because here were women, taking responsibility seriously and giving of their best to life and family adding value to life itself.