Soft skills and Personality Development:

How to use language more effectively

Dr. K. Kuhathesan-CEO: CENLEAD

Here are some suggestions for using language more effectively.

Choose to expand your vocabulary.

Your fluency and your credibility are closely tied to the number of words that you know how to use. There is strong support for each of the following arguments:

* The larger your vocabulary, the greater your control of imagery and the better your ability to manage the impressions you leave with others.

* The more words you know, the better you are to manage your relationships.

* The greater the number of your feeling words, the richer your emotional range.

* The more words you know, the greater your ability to perceive the word accurately.

* The more words you know, the better your ability to express your attitudes and opinions.

The communication skills that we most commonly use are speaking and listening, yet most people are far from proficient in either. Verbal communication offers opportunities not available in any other form, i. e. immediate feedback and social interaction.

However, unless what you say is structured and logical and your body language helps expression, the message you wish to convey can be misconstrued and cause a breakdown in communication.

Oral communication

A great deal of communication is done orally, either face to face or by telephone. In face to face communication gestures, postures, and even silences tell many things, sometimes more eloquently than words.

Since communication takes place through facial expression, and other psychological cues and suggestions that are loaded with meaning, we must not only say the right words but also say them with the right physical impact.

Oral communication is not talking; it is a giving and getting of information, a transmission of ideas in a two-way street. It requires as much listening with understanding as speaking.

Two-Way

To be effective, oral communication has to be two-way. The communicate must have the opportunity to express himself, to indicate his own ideas and feelings, to as questions and clarify any matters that may not be clear to him. If a person gets a chance to ask questions, to double-check what he might have missed, then he can make sure he has gotten exactly what he is expected to get.

On the other hand, if he only sit and listen, he may or may not get the word, and he is likely to feel frustrated and uncertain about what he does get.

Moreover, that bit of frustration and uncertainty is likely to grow because he has no way of making sure of things he is confident.

To put it in another way, one-way communication is not likely to be communication at all. It is more likely to be talk. One can talk by passing words out into the air. Those words don't become communication until they enter meaningfully into somebody else's head.

Hit a target

To communicate is to shoot information and hit a target with it. Shooting alone is not communication. To have more than chance probability of hitting a target requires that the sender get the feedback from the target about the accuracy of his shots.

The advantage of two-way over one-way communication is that the communicator can learn of the effects of his attempts to communicate and adjust his behaviour accordingly.

Guidelines for taking part in conversation

* Be witty and humorous when you can, but at all times be pleasant and cheerful. Above all things, avoid being sarcastic.

* Learn to take a genuine interest in the ideas that others express. In developing this attitude, you will gain in manners and knowledge as well as in conversational ability.

* Expand your knowledge of persons, places, events, things, and ideas so that you can talk intelligently about them. An intelligent person is interested in everything.

* Speak distinctly and properly.

* Be courteous. Here are specific ways in which you can put others at ease in a conversation:

a) Do not monopolize the conversation or talk only about yourself.

b) Listen until others have finished speaking. Interrupting a speaker shows that you are not interested in his ideas but only in what you wish to say.

c) Help others to join in a conversation by directing questions or remarks to them.

d) When you speak, include everyone in the group by looking from one to another.

e) Be thoughtful of others in what you say. Avoid subjects or remarks that might offend or embarrass someone in the group.

f) If a conversation loses its interest, be alert to introduce a new topic; but do not change the subject if the others in your group seem eager to go on discussing it.

Guidelines for making introductions

* Be sure of names before you begin an introduction. Do not embarrass someone by numbling, "Sunil, do you know Saro"?

* Speak distinctly so that each person will understand the other's name.

* When introducing persons of different sex, age, or position, begin with the name of the person to whom you wish to show more respect.

a) Introduce a boy to a girl. Begin with the girl's name, thus: "Prema" may I present Sunil? Sunil, this is "Prema".

b) Introduce a man to a woman or a girl. Begin with the woman's name.

* Use the expression given above or any of the following acceptable remarks in making introductions:

a) "Gajaba, do you know Ranjith?"

b) "Miss, Kamala, Mr. Vinoth"

c) "Paul, you have heard me speak of Sajith"

* Avoid the following expressions in making introductions:

a) "Sunil, shake hands with Perera".

b) "Ranjih, meet Silva".

c) "Vinoth, here is Karu".

* Do not point to persons in an introduction; simply look toward each one as you speak his name.

Ways to improve your conversation skills

* Know how to start and keep the conversation going. This can be done by first deciding on how to approach. Be courteous. Be sensitive. Approach those whose body language indicates interest. Then draw out the other person and seek common interests and experiences. Have something interesting to talk about.

* When a third person joins the conversation, try to draw him in by briefly telling him about the subject under discussion.

* Accept compliments graciously by thanking the others person.

* If someone asks whether you like something, swimming for example, do not just say 'No'. Follow it up with another statement like, 'But I like tennis'. A new topic of conversation can thus develop.

* Avoid asking questions that are too personal such as those concerning other people's marital, health and financial problems.

* Do not question anyone's opinion in front of other people. For instance, if a person strongly predicts that the property market will slide and you disagree, do not challenge him. Say something neutral like 'Let's wait and see', if asked to comment.

* Learn to be comfortable with silence. There is no need to fill it up at all times.

Human values in communication

* Empathize. What you want is what they want.

* Speak up! Admire and appreciate the work.

* Make it your business to take care of people, and people will take care of your business.

* Make listening your first choice.

* Be there to witness and praise achievements as they happen

* Let thank you be a part of your working vocabulary.

* Pinpoint and proclaim the positives in your people.

* Look for the best in them to get the best out of them!

* Learn to accept praise graciously.

Dale Carnegie in his book "how to win friends and oral communication, skills. Influence people" suggest the following as excellent .

* Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

* Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

* Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

* Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

* Let the other man save his face.

* Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."

* Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

* Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

* Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

* Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

* Give honest, sincere appreciation.

* Arouse in other people an eager want.

* Become genuinely interested in other people.

* Smile. A smile creates a friendly atmosphere.

* Remember that one's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Always call people by their name.

* Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

* Talk in terms of the other peoples' interests.

* Make the other people feel important and do it sincerely.

* The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

* Show respect for other people's opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.

* If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

* Begin your conversation in a friendly way.

* Get other people to do a great deal of the talking.

* Let others feel that the idea is theirs.

* Try honestly to see things from the other people's point of view.

* By sympathetic with the ideas of others.

* Dramatize your ideas.

* Throw a challenge.