Ah! English

Khalid HASAN

I am not so much troubled about the state of the nation as about the state of English in mein liebes Vaerland, which is German for my beloved fatherland, but if some would prefer to call it motherland, I give them mein liebes Mutterland. And that is enough German for the day.

Can something be done about it, English I mean?

Every time, I look at a newspaper report describing an incident, a traffic accident for example, or reporting a statement from the leaders who are in charge of sailing the ship of state, which may appear to some to be sinking, I begin to lose hope, both for English and for the ship.

What, one has to wonder, is the matter with us. Why have we calcified this exciting language called English? Why have we made it so boring, so lacking in the zing that is natural to it? Why do we continue to drag around the living dead of the language, its clich‚s? And why do we refuse to learn grammar, not intricate grammar that only gray grammarians know, but simple, basic grammar that we should have learnt in the first six months.

Alas! I have no answer to any of these questions. But here is some of what is bugging me on a wet autumn afternoon in Washington.

Consider this report published last week about a protest meeting addressed by a gentleman wearing black: “He said the government knew names of the high ups in government machinery responsible of Karachi blasts but deliberately was not bringing them to the book. (Mr X) vowed to continue struggle till end of dictatorship. He also warned the government that if any activity of terrorism would be happened in the (XXX), the government would be responsible for it.”

And this report is simply too good not to be quoted. Headlined “Prof M threatened of dire consequences,” it states:

‘One of the kingpins of mafia who hurled insinuation on him and the staff for taking principle stand against them and vacating the hostel room from their illegal possession have become active against him again. They are gangsters under the garb of students. The eminent ... teacher who is widely acclaimed among the academicians and media reported the matter to (a string of names, Charlie’s aunt excluded) for necessary action but there was no response against his complaints’.”

I do hope I am not committing contempt of court, but here is a snatch from a judgement of one of our high courts: “Whenever the government desires to appoint employees, it lifts the ban on jobs but when asked about the procedure for giving jobs it says that a ban has been imposed on jobs.”

And this is what a much-admired judicial leader is reported to have said: “‘Life is a journey and not the destination,’ he shared with newsmen his favourite words, pledging that lawyers struggle will continue.”

Also attributed to him is the observation: “We have told people that they are the owners of Steel Mills, land in Gwadar and farm houses but not the army generals.” Who would want to own an army general, anyway?

This one comes from one of those flying news agencies: “Railways Minister Sheikh Rasheed Ahmed has forecasted that he is not expecting to see Benazir Bhutto as the premier for next term while Maulana Fazl Rehman will play an important role in this connection.

‘The three name game being played by Benazir Bhutto in connection with Karachi carnage is a blame game on her part, which has put the National Reconciliation Ordinance at stake.

I was not in the favour of government’s request sent to Ms Bhutto asking her to shelve her arrival. Let the all politicians to return Pakistan.’ he said. He imparted that all politicians should start constructive politics in broader national interests. The media, he said, was assessing the performance of politicians in a strict way which was a health sign.”

And this is what the man in dark glasses who mumbles is supposed to have said.

“Talking to PTV he said how the harmonious environment is nurture in the presence of such a lethal campaign. Terming himself as champion of national reconciliation, he said he was the first who put forward broad based formula covering all aspects aiming to bury politics of hatred paving the way for country’s prosperity.”

I asked my friend M Rafiq in London if he had a story to contribute. This is what he sent.

“Last year when I visited M College I forgot my principle of never discussing English with a Pakistani. I was with WBG, nephew of our late friend, professor of English there with MPhil, and we were discussing English in general. I said things like every country is about fifty years outdated with any foreign language being taught there.

At one stage, I got really going and began pointing out a number of awful mistakes of language, idiom and syntax in a leaflet I had picked up in the library there. It was some kind of new regulations for students given out by the college administration.

I said that most Pakistanis write not English but something akin to English. WBG got really angry and said, ‘We do not want to teach English English here. We are perfectly happy to teach Pakistani English.’

I left and one of the young lecturers who was sitting there listening to this also left after me. He came with me to the gate and told me that the author of the leaflet was WBG himself. But how was I to know?”

Rafiq had another story.

“The High Commission in London used to bring out a fortnightly four-page thing called Pakistan News edited by Qutubuddin Aziz, Minister at the High Commission (author of a hundred books in English). Every issue was so full of mistakes that I once talked to W (who was there then) about it. He suggested I should write to the editor, which I did.

I took the latest issue and pointed out 100 spelling mistakes and only a handful of the many language mistakes. I told him that it pained me to see such mistakes in our periodical read by other embassies and newspapers and offered that I would proofread every issue without charge. W had spoken to him about my impending letter. Aziz wrote back to me saying that if it pained me so much, he would delete my name from the mailing list, which he did.”

Khalid Hasan is Pakistan Daily Times’ US-based correspondent. His e-mail is [email protected]