The undying smile
HOPE: I could hear children singing happy birthday to you, happy
birthday to you. The party had already started. As I entered the room
all the children looked up at me with their expressive eyes and their
undying smiles. Any person who entered that room would easily forget
that those children were victims of a life threatening disease - cancer.
The first thing you would notice is their larger than life spirit.
Their parents were present, we danced with the children and played
musical chairs with them. When I felt that it was the time for me to
take a backseat and let the kids enjoy themselves, a chubby little boy
stood in front of me.
I asked his name but he didn’t answer. I was on the verge of giving
up. I thought he wanted to be left alone but then he suddenly made an
effort to speak vanga (come) he said. Then I understood that there was a
language barrier. I put to practice the little Tamil I knew and managed
to find out his name, his age (five) and that he likes to eat cake.
I felt like giving all the children a big hug but I saw some crying
even when someone touched them as they were very weak. I could see the
pain in some parent’s eyes as they could not hold their children the way
they wanted to.
Most children at the ward were aware when children in their ward
passed away and some cry. But most of them toughen up and realise it was
the end of that child’s misery and pray for them to be looked after well
in their next birth.
As the children got together to watch a cartoon, a girl of about
eight stroked my hair. I didn’t know what to say. She only had a few
strands of hair left on her small scalp. I started thinking what must be
going on in her mind then? She then placed her hand on my shoulder and
smiled.
Nothing was said but that was enough for me to realise that she
wanted me to know that she was going to be ok. I started wandering
around the room when a nurse led me towards another room. “Look here,”
she said. She showed me an album which had a photo of the girl who
stroked my hair. She looked the same but she looked thinner now.
“There is no cure for the type of cancer she has. She only has one
month to live,” said the nurse. My whole body turned to jelly. I
couldn’t let her die. Why is life this unfair? I visited these beautiful
children as they wanted to see me. They saw me as a hero of the outside
world. Little did they know as they have never experienced the outside
world.
I felt so inferior next to them. these children were full of
determination, full of hope. They were mature. They handled themselves
so well. Any parent would feel so proud. These children are true heroes.
I saw and felt strength in them that I’m still trying to absorb.
An experience I will never forget is that a nine-month-old baby boy
whom I carried died after two months. The memory of holding that baby in
my arms is still there. I wished that I could see him grow up.
I was asked to sing for the children. When I finished singing I
realised that I brought hope. But hope was not enough. You have to love.
These children live to love and to be loved.
It was time for me to leave yet. I didn’t want to say goodbye to
these heroes. I didn’t want them to feel abandoned while they fight in
the battlefield called life. I exited quietly. As I was leaving I looked
through the windows. This was the longest moment I have experienced.
No words and no breaths in between. Just memories being played back
in my head with the sound of their laughter and their cries in the air.
Cancer can affect anyone at anytime and at any age. Early detection
can help the spread of cancer. Let’s not let cancer win the battle. I
would like to encourage every citizen to do anything in their capacity
to help these victims of this life threatening disease have permanent,
undying smiles. |