The 'Bras' Handiya

Aney Darlings! I explained to my neighbouring London educated good old soul (May probably now, but might have been a real firebrand in her youth?) That this new term 'Piththala Handiya' had nothing to do with 'Bras' but the term meant 'Brass' which what her daughter in Kandy was referring to.

But to me Colombian this new term seems to be created by some media people who always had their billboards attacked at this junction.

Instead of referring to it as the Dharmapala Mawatha, Sir James Peiris Mawatha Circus (which was in fact the Turret Road, Flower Road Circus in early me Colombian's Colombo).

Hmmm.... now they refer to it as 'Piththala Handiya' which me Colombian's Colombytes prefer to refer to as 'Brass Junction' which me Colombians London educated highbrow heard as 'Bras Junction' when it was mentioned to her the other day by her daughter in Kandy, over the telephone.

The poor lady was so confused that she was inquiring why they called it the 'Bras Junction'. "Is it because there is some fashionable outlet specialising in exclusive designer brassiere?" she asked, me Colombian explained that though there is an exclusive women's wear outlet around the corner it sells many other things beside Bras.

Myee Aney! This 'Piththala Handiya' has become a sensational place no? No, no not because those 'Brass Vendors' who have been kind of 'Sun Bathing' in that 'Handiya' since times immemorial trying to sell their 'Piththala' to me Colombian's Colombytes who are fast drifting away from having any of that local stuff around their homes any more.

Today Darlings they are more occupied in decorating their home with brass statues from Thailand or Cambodia or neighbouring India for that matter, putting our own brass craftsman from Pilimathalawa out of business.

Aney dears the 'imported mania' can hit these Colombytes harder than Pneumonia, without killing them of the virus but can and will kill everybody around them without any warning.

Now Darlings what's exactly wrong with the 'Piththala' creations of those craftsmen that have been 'sunbathing' all their lives without being identified by any media house for that matter other than a very few and by that great dame of journalism dear Chitra Weerasinghe.

When she snapped at the suggestion and interviewed a few of those 'Piththala Baases' for the then Sunday Observer Magazine.

But, aney dears! These days they talk more of those billboards that gets vandalised in that place than the creative crafts of our sons from Pilimathalawa. But another thing dears is that there are many 'Piththala Handiyas' than 'Vandalised Billboard Handiyas'.

Though it should be the other way around as there are more 'Billboard Handiyas' these days than anything else. Now talking of Billboards Darlings! it must be said that they are of very bad taste, you know why or need I rub it in?

Well darlings firstly it had come to a point where they are overlapping each other. I know they are all competing dears! But you don't go and stand in front of your paramour's wife to grab his attention when he stops visiting you no?

Well! There are other things also but now if me Colombian settles down to discuss all that there won't be any room to discuss the 'Bras' calamity.

So its best that we leave the billboard issue for a later date. Not too late dears! because I know how many of you have sent stinkers to the letters page of the Daily News with this regard but too stinking to be published I was told by the lady who handles those affairs.

Now coming back to the 'Piththala Handiya' going on's, quite unlike the going on's at 'Thung Mulla Handiya'. Hmmm... in a way the same thing no after all? Standing like a thumb sticking out to catch some-bodies' attention and as time goes by any-bodies attention. My dears! same with the billboards also, very much similar! Because in both places its vandalism in any case.

But then the confusion of my dear neighbour also carries a bit of weight and also. A lot of weight where advertising agents are concerned. I mean a few billboards by women's underwear agents like 'The secret of Victoria which is no secret to Victor'. Hmmm... now you know how secrets work? Triumph, that flimsy bit of garment which ultimately had only the males play their triumph cards.

It will also stop vandalism of any sort because they will be too charmed by those secrets that triumph over them that they will dare not vandalise anything near them. But what will the puritans say? Puritans?

Now where on earth in the world do one find somebody that can fit into that meaning 100 per cent? Well, well they just appear to be that word when they appear in public dears! but when the real thing appears (or even the un-real thing, when they are all hard-up) that's when the puritans begin to vandalise.

Hmmm... that proves that we should not actually imagine the colour of somebody's interior by the white colour he or she is covering her exterior with.

No, no I don't mean the colour of foundation garments that they are wearing beneath. I mean the purity of their heart, soul or thoughts.

But then darlings in case of the former, some of them actually do not wear to match the exterior. I mean unless like those teeny boppers who actually wear underwear to show off the brand names like 'Calvin Climb' 'Van Housed in' or 'Jock Key' rather than safeguard their puritism.

But talking of brand names and my neighbours confusion with the 'Piththala Handiya' to the words Brass to Bra's. I mean with selling lines by canny ad agencies which goes "Making mountains out of molehills" or "Salvation Army" (lifting up the fallen) or the great American saying that goes "United we stand. Divided we fall". With lines like that my dear neighbour too cannot make a mistake no?

Reading all such catch lines on billboards does not mean that people are going to buy the product. Then why do they advertise? You may ask me Colombian (if you have forgotten my name by now, because I forgot to mention it for a while now) Well dears the ad agencies are buying their clients with such lines but the public isn't buying any.

Darlings! If you all know the extent those agencies go to impress their clients? 'Kiyala wedak nehe'. But the fact is there are more advertising agencies here than actual manufacturers who are looking for them to sell their products. But that is a national past time no? because if you see dears! there are more bridal designers and beauticians than the number of brides that enter wedlock annually.

Hmm... looking at things more perspectively I feel that with the new rules in force the number of Bars and Wine Stores are going to out number the actual boozers in store and there will be more 'Fags' (Cigarettes) available in the market than that can be inhaled by smokers in the entire country. (But Darlings! there will be more and more Fag-Hags appearing in the scenes on a daily basis, specially in me Colombian's Colombo). Oh!

Well dears! Me Colombian was told that billboard fiasco at that 'Piththala Handiya' or my neighbours version of 'Bras' Junction' is actually giving more publicity to the Brass Craftsmen in the country than ever before as there are the Colombyte Nonas' that generally went flying past them before the incident actually, now stop to look at their product rather than at the billboard that made the grand 'hullabaloo'.

But Sweethearts! with the new no parking regulation in operation me Colombian's Colombytes, both the male and female genders can't stop and start whenever and wherever they wish to. As if the whole of Colombo is their garage at home.

Sometimes darlings to the extent of making the pedestrians having to walk on the main roads with running the risk of being run over by a vehicle while their 'Jandy' cars are parked all over the pavements. (Well! that word which actually comes from the rural past, where villagers referred to anybody 'dressed to kill' as 'Jandy pahata andala'). As for those billboards that advertise fashion wear dears, it is time the 'We Public' knew exactly what they are selling?

Me Colobian's Colombyte aren't puzzled because they have got used to the fact that in this highly congested me Colombian's Colombo the only option is to find everything under one roof. But dears what about all those numbers that are rushing to the city to buy the 'Hi Fi'.

Yes dears! some come here looking for a place that they were told by Simon Singho's daughter about "Harima istyle andung meya ethana thiyenne." But as they flew past the 'Thung Mulla' they see a billboard which actually say that the shop that Singho's daughter said is selling high fashion is actually selling ingredients for Christmas cakes this season.

Likewise, last Christmas season many shoppers got confused thinking that another dress shop which went for 'Pearly' hips had actually given-up fashion and the designer had opted to become a fruit vendor instead.

Now dears! That's the way no with all these 'little' fashion places that start off by selling a few factory rejects and grow to become 'garment reject monsters' finally ending up not only selling local rejects but imported rejects as well. Haiyo dears!

It is surprising that the so called 'Piththala Handiya' has been spared of such billboards advertising the 'passion of fashion'.

But Darlings amidst all that, if that triumphant ladies underwear business decides one day to pop up a billboard in that 'Piththala Handiya' in me Colombian's Colombo, then my dear neighbours term 'Bras' junction will fit-in constrict'ly well!