Sri Lanka through RUAH's eyes

Samuganimu Sri Lanka

DEPARTURE: This week is the tenth edition of "Sri Lanka Through Ruah's Eyes" and one of the last written from lassana Lankawa - beautiful Sri Lanka. I will be returning to my hometown New York next week and I am already having a hard time accepting that I must leave this country, which I have come to love so much.

After the directors of my post-graduate program informed my fellow students and me that we were to leave the country for reasons of security, we all got together and protested the reasonability of the university's decision.

Our efforts were rewarded when the university changed its policy, and allowed American students to stay in the country as long as we are relocated outside the Colombo area.

After considering this revised policy, I recognize that whether in Colombo or in parts of the country not affected by the conflict, every day citizens must continue with their daily lives regardless of the unfortunate violence that has occupied everyone's thoughts and newspaper headlines for the past three decades.

My fellow 20 American and two Sri Lankan classmates chose to study here in Sri Lanka for a reason-and have accordingly forged strong bonds with the country's people and places. The truth is that none of us are willing to leave so easily.

In fact, several of my colleagues have agreed to stay in Sri Lanka and will need to be relocated outside Colombo for the remaining months of our program. However, at first when it appeared that we had no choice but to leave, some of us committed to alternative plans.

As for me, I have decided to return home to be with my family. My maternal grandmother is quite ill in a New York hospital and perhaps in her last days. My family has requested that I come home, and I believe that this is the right path to take.

Saying goodbye to Sri Lanka - my friends, my host family, all the people and places I have come to know - is not an easy task. It has been such a wonderful experience getting to know people here, and I feel sad to have to leave.

This past weekend, I set off to Thalpitiya village to see my host family, the Silvas, for what I assumed would be the last time. I planned to share the news with them that I was leaving on Sunday evening, at the end of my stay.

I arrived at the house and was greeted by the family members - my akka, loku nangie and malli. They showered me with hugs and kisses, which I returned gladly.

I found my podi nangie in her room - akka explained that she is in waiting before her "Big Girl Party" this week where she would celebrate becoming a woman.

In America, we do not have anything quite like this. In fact, when a girl becomes a woman, we often keep quiet about it and only discuss the event with our mothers or our closest friends.

It was a pleasure to learn about the respect and honour that goes along with being a "Big Girl." I nodded with approval when my akka explained how this was a celebration for podi nangie.

I agreed completely - the transition from girl to woman in any society is not an easy one and worthy of a celebration. Indeed, women should always be celebrated!

As always, upon my arrival, I sipped delicious tea delightfully flavored with cardamom. Then I suggested that my nangies and I go for a walk on the beach. Podi nangie followed the tradition of staying in her room, but loku nangie was ready to go.

We walked north along the village waterfront, breathing in the fresh air from the Indian Ocean as it passed through the tree branches, observing leaves and coconuts left on the sand after the wind of monsoon rains.

Loku nangie asked me about my trip to India and Colombo. I stumbled on my words as I almost told her how I had to leave the country next week. However, I had decided to tell the family altogether that night and would stick to that plan.

Then nangie turned to me and asked, "Ruahaka, aththada September oya America yanawada?" "Big sister Ruah, is it true that you leave for America in September?" I was so surprised.

Apparently, they had already heard the news that my classmates and I were leaving - news travels quickly here.

I explained to her the story of what happened and she exclaimed how sad she was that I was leaving and hoped that I would come at least to the 'Big Girl' party - for one last time together with the family.

Considering all of the meetings, errands, packing and preparing my graduate thesis, it was difficult for me to imagine finding the time to come back for another evening, but my heart was telling me otherwise.

Returning to the house, I sat in the kitchen with my akka and aiya and drank another cup of tea. Akka touched my shoulder and smiled.

I explained to them my conversation with loku nangie on the beach, and asked what they thought. Akka was quiet, but her eyes spoke a million words to me. I felt it too; we were both sad at the thought of me leaving so soon. I had second thoughts about returning one more time to see them.

Later that evening, just before turning out the lights, my family came into my room. I told them of my decision to come to the 'Big Girl' party - how could I resist their loving kindness, smiles and tears? We all shared laughter and heart-felt smiles knowing this night together was not our last.

Then my aiya stepped forward and took his hand from behind his back. I felt honoured and blessed as the father shared out loud the family's feelings towards me and their thankfulness for my presence in their home.

I saw the family all nodding their heads and looking shy as aiya handed me a small box with a beautiful gift inside - three beautiful gems. Akka hugged me and reassured me that all would be okay; she was sad, but also happy for my own family in America who would get to see me soon!

It is normal for me to hug and kiss members of my own family in America. When I arrived to the Silva family, however, I was not sure how to interact with them.

However, over time, we were able to be genuine with each other as though we were actually related. These days hugging and showing affection to the Silva family feels so natural that I forget it was ever uncomfortable in the first place.

Thanks to our interactions, I have always felt free to ask questions and make mistakes. This helped me to learn, tiken tika little by little, the language, culture and society - even if it meant making mistakes along the way.

I realize now that there is so much more to discover - in fact, I feel that my learning has only begun. Perhaps now the Silva family and I have the opportunity to take the memories of our time together with us for a lifetime of learning - and share our experiences with others.

My family all hugged me goodnight. I saw the tears in their eyes and even felt my own eyes filled with emotion. I recollected all the memories I have shared with them and all that we have learned from each other.

I recalled the day when my aiya told me how his wife has a beautiful heart for all to see. The way I perceive it, the entire family wears their hearts on the outside, and I have been lucky enough to experience their meththa, loving kindness, and use what I have learned with them to enhance my understanding of my surroundings in Sri Lanka and of myself.