Sexual harassment: aney epa karanda
SEXUAL HARASSMENT: Living in Sri Lanka over the past eight months, I
have encountered many instances of sexual harassment. I have heard
stories from women of all generations, and from many countries. I have
witnessed first-hand women getting harassed.
I have been sexually harassed myself. Based on this experience, I
believe sexual harassment is a major issue, one that needs to be
addressed by Sri Lankan society in order to affect change. Sexual
harassment is an unfortunate reality that persists throughout different
societies regardless of country.
There is a big difference between my experiences in the US, Europe
and Africa and my experiences in Sri Lanka. In this country, I get the
sense that the topic is not one to speak of in the open and there seem
to be few support systems available for women who experience harassment.
In fact, I hesitate to write on this topic based on my experience of
bringing up the subject in the past and receiving uncomfortable
reactions. My impression is that society in general does not wish to
accept that such behaviour occurs and therefore assumes instances of
harassment are an anomaly of daily life - or have been provoked by the
women who experience them.
As a woman from a major American city, I am familiar with being
approached by strangers who exhibit inappropriate behaviour in public -
men in particular.
However, a man who approaches a woman with sexual comments in my
hometown of New York City is looked down upon if onlookers notice the
behaviour. Friends here have told me that Sri Lankans also reject and
oppose sexual harassment. Their contention, however, has not always been
my experience.
I encountered sexual harassment during my first days in Colombo. As I
walked down the street, young men approached me while I was still trying
to learn the layout of the city. These men would make sexual comments,
come close to me and even walk alongside me even though I asked them to
leave me alone.
Similarly, on the bus, I often experienced men coming very close to
either me or women next to me, touching any woman or young girl they
could get close to on body parts not meant to be touched in public.
To my knowledge, onlookers at the time did not discourage the
behaviour, nor were they willing to take a stand against such behaviour
in public. Still, though, I must admit that I have heard stories from
older, educated Sri Lankan women who have scolded men for their actions,
asking them sharply if they would act that way towards women in their
family.
Personally, I always move away or give a strong look to the
perpetrator to let him know that I am aware of his behaviour and that he
had better stop. Usually, that works at least momentarily. However, I
believe that if society disapproved of this behaviour more openly as
whole, men would not commit it in the first place.
The most significant experience I had was while at a homecoming (a
ceremony and party after a wedding) several months ago.
A young naval officer was clearly respected by the guests and seemed
to be a decent and polite man at first. Guests were drinking alcohol,
and as the evening passed the naval officer became drunk along with
other men at the event.
At one point noticed that he was inappropriately touching young girls
at the party 'by accident' yet the girls just pretended that nothing
happened, looking very embarrassed. Later, I was dancing with the young
girls at the wedding, all of them my junior by at least a decade.
I felt the men were looking at me from the other side of the dance
floor and noticed that only a few mostly married women were dancing.
Deciding to not let the stares and only few women present deter me from
enjoying time with the young girls, I stayed in a corner to dance with
them.
The naval officer approached me and told me he wanted to dance with
me. I politely declined, but this only angered him. He grabbed my arm
and pulled me to the center of the dance floor. I was telling him to
stop more firmly this time, mama baninawa... epa... ati... mama alanawa
epa...Kamathie neheh. He only responded by coming closer to my face and
saying, mama oyata kamathie. I tried to let go, but he was quite
stronger than me.
I saw others watching, but no one said or did anything. Finally, I
thought of the respect shave for the family and elders in this country
and asked, oyage wayasa keeyida? How old are you? He was only three
years my junior, just enough to say, mama oyage akka - oyage aka EPA
kiyawa... epa! "I am your big sister - big sister said no... stop!"
Miraculously, he laughed, told me "alright," hari, hari and let me go.
His behaviour upset me, but most of all I was disappointed that no
one watching had intervened. I had the sense that even if observers
disapproved, no one had wanted to be that person to stand up to him, a
naval officer in the family.
The next day, I told the story to a Sri Lankan friend and he advised
me to explain his to my host family that I did not want him to touch me
- that I was not happy with the officer's behaviour. I was surprised by
this reaction. I had thought that telling the young man and trying to
get away from him had been a clear enough statement.
My Sri Lankan friend suggested that if I did not explain my
intentions explicitly to my host family, they may think it was my fault
- or that I did something to ask for that behaviour. This was shocking
to me: How could it have been I who wanted his advances?
After much consideration, I decided to tell them. I called the mother
and father - which then brought the attention of my host sisters - and
explained that the wedding and the homecoming were really nice, I did
not like it when the naval officer touched me and did not let me go.
They were surprised, which left me equally surprised. They assumed
that he was not serious and I should not worry, but I explained the
story from my perspective. I included that this young man should not
just be feeling badly about his behaviour towards me, but he should not
act that way towards ANY woman he encounters.
I was not sure of the outcome of communicating this, but I felt it
was the right thing to do. My host father got on the phone to call the
young man's family and had him apologise. I do not know if this had an
impact, but at least I know that my family is aware of my disapproval of
his behaviour - especially my two nangies (younger sisters) who will
likely encounter similar experiences in the future.
Soon after this I spoke with a well-educated and well-respected woman
community leader in a neighbouring village, who told me that when
counselling young women of the community, she frequently heard stories
of harassment. She even shared her own personal experiences (and those
of her classmates) when she was younger.
There are five main reasons that women do not come forward with
stories of sexual harassment. First, people often doubt whether women
are telling the truth or think that they are only asking for attention.
Second, people are rude towards women who bring sexual harassment into
the public's attention.
Third, women can be too shy or embarrassed to share their stories.
Fourth, women fear that if they expose men's behaviour their safety
would be at risk. Fifth, women are afraid of bringing attention to
themselves and risking a damaged reputation.
Considering these factors that hinder women's self-esteem and status,
it is no wonder that women do not come forward and share their
experiences. A study of women workers by Swarna Jayaweera, reveals one
impact of gender inequality where 73 per cent of the women studied
preferred to be reborn as men, 15 percent as men or women and only 10
per-cent as women. Among the men, 90 per cent wished to be reborn as men
and 8.5 per cent as women."
Sexual harassment is indeed present in all societies and persists as
a daily problem for women of all nations. Those who experience it are
not coming forward with stories for various reasons, leaving a false
impression that it is not a problem in society. I believe that in order
to address this issue, the taboo of the topic should be broken through
awareness and acceptance of women's personal stories amongst women, men
and children through social support systems. Women of Sri Lanka -
citizens, expatriates and visitors - let your voices and stories be
heard. |