Individual choices

Prasad Abu BAKR

GUIDING CHILDREN: It should be realised that not all children like the same type of toys. Experts say that if one observes a child in a playpen and his selection of toys are limited; he will prefer some toys and smile with glee as he grabs them with great affection while rejecting some of them.

It is at this stage that children show signs of marked individualism as everything that appears before them do so for the first time and his choice of sorting out them are done on individual preference rather than by looking at how his friends or neighbours are deciding on such matters.

The objects they prefer to play with are also not necessarily the ones that many other kids want to play with.

The mass range of playthings available in the market today probably has a lot to do with this change but however parents should bear in mind that the decision to play with an object of his choice remains with the child concerned.

As children grow up they should be only led along certain guidelines along the path of their preference rather than trying to over rule matters and decide on their behalf.

Hate their parents

There are multitude of incidents where children have grown to hate their parents and many others who are leading unhappy lives owing to being made to swallow the bitter pill. These evidences are boldly there for the world to see if one read the many biographies of leading personalities around the world.

World renown opera singer Maria Callas is a good example of such total contempt of a daughter towards her mother.

According to one of the singer's biographies, her whole singing career was totally built on her mother's wishes, who according to the book, was a total failure in singing and music as a child.

So her only vision for Maria was to train her to become one of the world's greatest opera singers ever, which she ultimately became but to Maria it was a painful experience for she had to sacrifice a large part of her childhood spending hours on end training under different musicians and undergoing rigorous voice training at a very tender age.

The end result to all her mother's ambitions were that Maria and her mother never got along as adults.

In fact the two battled out many court cases where her mother claimed right to her daughter's wealth but was dismissed by Maria who claimed that her mother's only ambition was to make her into a big star to earn money for herself through Maria's shining career.

Bitter crisis

This is only an example to show how a close relationship such as that of a mother and daughter can lead to a deep and bitter crisis when children are forced to do things that they do not enjoy doing or pursuing as a career.

But parents show poorly on this subject not realising the major failures that their children could face even if they succeed in achieving the goals that they have pursued in their children's minds on their behalf.

Enjoying what you do will reflect in your work even if it is not a paying one. The chances of such careers ending up in total success have a bigger chance than one trying to succeed while occupying oneself with a career that one does as a matter of duty and takes no pleasure.

We have often heard of incidents where professionals have been detected meting out cruel punishments to the servants in the house. Doctors, judges and many other highly qualified individuals have faced charges on such issues.

It has been revealed that many of these individuals have spent very unhappy childhoods always harassed by parents to pursue their higher studies and attend professional standards similar to the ones that they have secured as a result.

Most servants that become victims are children as they tend to drift towards joining the neighbourhood kids of his masters house.

A playing happy child is not a pleasant sight to these individuals because they have never enjoyed those opportunities and they resent the little servant that try to enjoy those simple joys of life that is every little child's right.

Even though parents plan their children's future understandably for their own well-being it is sad to realise that in most cases things actually do not end according to the picture that parents paint for themselves.

Secure way

What child educationalists say is that leading a child to carry on with his basic education and teaching him other extra curricular activities of his choice bring out the joy.

This is a secure way to lead your child in the direction at leading a happy childhood, rather than nagging him most part of the day with orders to spend more time immersed in his text books.

There is also an emerging theory that children fear trying to attain professional standards of their parents if the kind of lifestyle spent by their parents are stressful.

For example a company executive who leaves home early in the morning and returns home stressed out and has no time for the family sets a bad example to his son whom he wants to mould on the same lines as that of his career.

Most parents pursue careers for their children by observing other people's success not going by the general consideration whether their children have the talent for such endeavours and whether they like doing such work.

In one case there was a mother who was constantly after her son to take to cricket even though the lad was more interested in music as a hobby.

Victim of alcohol

The mother's constant reminder of how well cricketers are doing and the amount of money one can make made the son hang out with friends more often outside his home even if he preferred to sit in his bedroom playing some musical instrument or another.

As a result of him spending more unnecessary time with others, as an excuse to be out of reach of his nagging mother, the boy gradually became a victim of alcohol that drew him to drunkenness which ultimately sent him up a lost path as a youth.

Educationalists also stress the point on how parents should allow their children to live their childhood to its fullest.

Trying to judge your child's likes and dislikes by associating them with the kind of toys they prefer to play with or the surroundings they like to spend more time at does not hold any proof on the longer run.

It is also found that children's likes and dislikes grow or change with them as they grow and it may also lead a child to travel through a variety of unusual preferences and dislike by the time he reaches adulthood.

A parent's role to be played throughout is only that of a mentor and a guide and a parent's ability to accommodate those changing traits can lead the child to build up on a base which can reflect more individualism rather than ending a victim of his own resentments.

Today it is common sight to see mothers accompanying their daughters to beauty pageants or advertising agencies with the hope of pushing them towards attaining stardom in the glamour world.

In most of these cases one could almost feel the great passion the mother would have had to secure such heights during her youth but, failed.

It might have been an ordeal for the young girl to have spent her entire childhood being groomed to take up a challenge that she knew nothing about and probably never wants in the first place.

Such ambitions of parents do not necessarily stop there at the beauty contest or the ad agency for that matter. Their ambitions keep running like an entwined thread throughout the child's life.

Chances are that their likes and dislikes will play a major role when it comes to the girl's marriage and in case their daughter marries somebody outside their approval their unhindered interference in their daughter's married life will bring matters to the edge of disaster or even see it end in divorce.

Many of these incidents are common sight in today's society. It is true and fair that parents will always wish the best for their children. This fact will never change even if society faces up with surpassed social evolution in the future.

But it is time that parents fathomed things for themselves, that they take a look at the changing face of society in comparison to what it was during their youth.

In comparison, today it is a world of mixed opportunities. A child has a wide spectrum to choose from either being a professional or a self-taught individual that can excel in many related fields of the arts or even entrepreneurship.

All that is called of a parent's duty is their dedication at bringing-up their children in a manner to be able to face up with the many obstacles and challenges that await them at every turn since they enter adulthood.

Important role

A child would always look up to his parents. He will expect them to tell him the answers only to the questions that he fails to find answers by himself.

Parents no doubt, play an important role in this process but to attempt to rub off a bit of shine from your past glory does not necessarily mean that he will glow to your expectations on all counts. Sometimes, who knows? he might even lose the gleam that he was born with.

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