Creeping crepes

Creative cookery is the thing these days, but sometimes me Colombian finds it a little too much to digest.

Not that I have tried them all but what I mean is that the ingredients put one off in the case of this recipe shown on TV in that famous morning show called 'Nuga Sevana'.

To begin with the lady concerned refereed to the crepes as 'Creeps' and she actually made a few pancakes and filled it up with standard 'icing sugar' that gave me Colombian the creeps any way.

But then if you know those chefs, who claim that they are actually international gold medallists; present their dishes on 'fusion cooking' which includes starters like Minced Beef wrapped in a Betel Leaf lined with Cinnamon oil well me Colombian thinks that a speck of arecanut, tobacco and chunam will transform the starter into the real thing. To chew after your meal. WOW!

Eating The Queensway

If you ever step in there for a meal avoid the Biryani at all costs. This is me Colombian's advice to anyone who has eaten Biryani in real style.

Though this restaurant near the British Council has its owners naming it coining up a Royal phrase it is only the sandwiches, even though not from the Buckingham Palace that are grand in taste.

But as for the Biryani? to condemn it to death I need not tell more than to tell you to go and actually try one out and OUT and if you are Muslim you will pass the Sharia on the Chef and have him be-headed or sue the entire restaurant management.

To escape the embarrassment they should include it in the menu as the 'Poor Man's Biryani' which will live up to its composition, because no proper ingredients are used and its total absence of aroma adds to the gross disappointment.

Me Colombian found it a well patronised place but the owners should scrap the Biryani off the menu if they can't prepare it in the proper way. Right?

Big eyes ismall istomach

Usually a large spread, those Buffet styles you know? which is the in-style method of serving lunches and dinners.

But what upsets me Colombian is that the guests too become generous in their servings as much as the chefs who have generously spread out the food to impress them. But what amazes me Colombian is the attitude some parents have when it comes to feeding their children at such events.

The little ones pack and pack or pile and pile-up the food as if they are on the beach building sand castles on a Sunday morning and the mothers turn a blind eye while they too have a glad eye on the food.

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The running garnish

Glad eye on the food is only normal when you are at a posh eating joint, but my dears! what happens if you see a Cockroach racing across your plate from one side to the other?

Which is what exactly happened to a friend of me Colombian when he visited a former (thank god its closed now) Boat with a Show in it which was operating at a junction which people assumed had 'Thun Mullas' but in fact have 'Five Mullas' if one actually counts it. May be everyone had a counting problem then and even now.

Now, coming back to the Cockroach bit, the amazing part to the story is that when it happened and my friend's wife complained to the restaurant manager he refused to believe it and wanted my friend to show the insect to him and on failing to do so the manager has quipped "It may be your imagination running riot after your drinks" But my friend repeated the problem to the steward and he wrapped it up by saying "Sir we see a lot of them in the kitchen but Sir! this is the first time we got a complaint saying that they are crawling around the public area" Ha, ha, ha.

Un-palatable garnish

Well if one pulls a fuss up to have noticed a live one crawling across one's plate then what will it be like to serve one's self of a 'Baked Cockroach' not that it was on the menu.

At Maitland Crescent, you know this recent incident where a 'crawly brawly' VIP who never misses the sight of a flying type (I don't mean a cockroach) but a bird, not the feathered type you see! But instead of getting the bird into the cage me Colombian hears that the VIP is in the cage for attempting to 'Cock-peck' the white bird on the dance floor.

Now the incident has nothing to do with the baked cockroach, only that it took place at the same Maitland Crescent venue years ago when one of Colombian's colleagues attended an opening of a restaurant from the land where Irish eyes smile from.

Oriental traffic

Leaving the cockroaches aside (for later consumption, in case of those two restaurants that me Colombian spoke about') we should actually try and count the number of places that serve the oriental variety. Some of them actually have only the oriental touch.

There's more rice in the mixed fried rice dish than the mixture of everything else that is in the menu and tomato with onions play a major part in the Diced Chicken with Cashewnuts dish. Everything else remain Chinese only because you are dining under a red lantern.

Calling names

Sing Sing Sing, Chung Chow, Huwang Miang, Lung Tong, King Kong, Haka Haka, Cow Dung, Tom Tom, Ding Dong and similar names of restaurants are that one goes past daily as one drives around in Colombian's Colombo, names that rhyme in your ears and ring on your lips to or the other way about.

All depend whether you are a person that speaks with your ears and listen with your mouth more or less like the ingredients you find at some of these restaurants that claim to be Chinese, Japanese, Siamese or Rabies.

The famous 'Chinese take away'

Not the famous words written by that heir to the Throne who got thrown out of the line because he opted to 'Take away somebody else's Throw away' But Darling you must in fact take away some of those take aways, here in Colombian's Colombo that they claim are chinese.

The moment you open that cardboard carton, the smell will tell you that the MATEY behind that give away (for Rs. 90) is AjinoMOTO or in more scientific terms Sodium Glutamate.

Rasa wediyawa

Talking of food and not about diseases like 'Diya Wediyawa' (Diabetes), the length that some people will go to use enhancers like Ajinomoto so that the food they prepare will taste good and customers will patronise their restaurants or the take away parcels on a daily basis.

What they don't realise is that eating out is like the many marriages we see around us.

Not every body wants to eat at the same place everyday no! and for that matter the same food no!

Men or women for that matter, need to change dishes to refresh their pallets, my dears; specially when they have the option of eating out, every day no? or some of the days even, or otherwise even if they are supposed to 'Eat at Home' they will opt to 'Eat Out' some time or the other no? and in case of men dears! they will prefer to 'Take Away' also no?

Like many marriages in Colombian's Colombo No Aney?

Poor man's 'thosai'

No, no not poor man's thosai or 'dosa' as it is called. More or less like 'dohsha' You know the Sinhalese term for malaise, like in 'Waatha Dosha' or 'Bootha Dosha' So even the thosai has got its Dosha in case of price rise.

When me Colombian was a school going boy, what we called 'Thosa Kade' was our favourite place for a good fill of food and many years later it remained so.

But then the 'rising costs' have caught up with the Tosai Mudalalis too and they have, according to me Colombian raised their prices threefold.

Today, Darlings! they still serve the same Thosai, made of pure flour or 'Amerikan Piti'. Forget the 'Ulundu' part dears!

Amazingly to Colombian's observation as I said it is the same Thosai (If its smaller Kade's as if they come from the rubber industry) and the man will flood your plate (which is lined with a, what they call a 'lunch sheet' which is a flimsy layer of cellophane) with 'saambaru' an extra water gravy or what we used to call 'hodhdha' in those day's made of mostly vegetables about to go bad and the cheaper ones at that, available at the Manning Market in Pettah.

Now when you hear the name 'Manning Market' don't think that it is a place from a scene that appears in that musical 'My Fair Lady' where Elisa DoLittle was picking her dainty flowers on the sidewalk, those that had fallen off from sorted out flower baskets.

Our Manning Market darling! is a mud hole on rainy days and a hell hole throughout the year and the 'Thosa Hodhdha' and many other Hodhdhas available in and around Pettah are made of that collection of miscellaneous vegetable lots, with the rotten parts 'amputated' and given away at a give-away price.