Fires of Youth
Though many parents think that their children spend all their life in school and teachers are responsible in grooming and pruning their kids, teachers on the other hand think that this theory, which most of us have come to terms with for a long time, is totally incorrect. According to them young children spend more of their growing years at home with their adults than at school and it is also believed that during that period of a young child's age very few teachers actually will direct the child on matters such as puberty and or even personal hygiene. Unlike in the past, even though parents were never open about these matters there were few elements that could have opened up the wrong information for the kids, in contrary to present times; where all forms of errant views are entering young minds 24 hours a day. There is also unlimited possibilities for children to find out information for themselves but sometimes it will not be the right information that will get in to their hands. A recent incident in a village (which are streams ahead from the villages they used to be) brought to light about how four young girls, one of them as young as 14 years and three teenage boys were found by their parents watching pornographic films at one of the boy's house. All these children have left home that day under the pretext of attending tuition classes. In fact, when the incident was reported it was also revealed that a mother of one of the children collapsed on the spot and was later found to have suffered a heart attack. This incident which took place some months ago in a town down the western coastal belt is an indication of how parents drift away from their children. In Colombo most of the time it is because both parents attend work and in towns such as the one above mothers are working abroad and fathers are never at home or heavily addicted into consuming of alcohol. Sometimes mothers are left behind while fathers are employed abroad and owing to lack of male support at home most mothers lose control of their children. Young minds are hyper-active in any case, their interest to seek and know is an endless odyssey till they discover the facts to satisfy their probing minds. In this zest to know, parents can be of enormous help. They are bound to enlighten their children not only of general knowledge but also of other facts that children will be too embarrassed to ask. A principal of a leading girls school recently explained during an interview on TV, that in a class there is a mix of types even though they are probably in the same age group. She went on to elaborate on a point which she said looks simple to us adults but creates a dilemma in the mind of a growing girl child. She further stressed that though these children belong to the same age group the course of attaining age generally does not take place at a particular age, depending mostly on their physical development. In most cases she said that girls who have attained age tend to group up together isolating the one or two who are yet to come by that experience. This matter of isolation tends to play havoc in those young minds as they do not realise that their friends are eager to share their newly acquired adulthood away from them, because they still consider them to be children. What the principal stressed mostly is that such a simple incident can lead a child to suspect others and neglect her studies and also lose goodwill among her classmates. It is a mother's prime duty, she said, to be close to her growing daughter explaining the changes that she must anticipate and how she should cope with it. Likewise fathers too should build up a close rapport with their sons, not only as a guiding parent but also as a friend. Children tend to observe their parents behaviour closely and will use it against their parents at a later stage. Brash attitudes of fathers and infidelity of mothers tend to distance children from both parents eventually leading them to wrong company. Disciplining kids should start at an early stage. As they grow older they tend to resist any kind of disciplining and will also question why their action was tolerated before and the reason to reprimand them now. Some parents, fathers specially tend to pass strict punishment upon some of their sons' juvenile acts of stubbornness. They invariably carry on the process in to the child's adulthood which will make the child misunderstand his fathers intentions, mistaking it for revenge. Such children grow up to be a menace to society and will behave in a very violent fashion towards it. Parents should have an open mind with regard to the kind of company their children cultivate as they grow older. Instead of warning them at every turn it is best to let your child associate and get to know other children of his or her age. Rigid lines should not be drawn to make your children recognise caste, colour or creed. It is a giant task for parents to train their kids from a very younger age to respect all ethnic groups and religions. In a culturally and religiously diverse society such as ours this is an important task that no parent should overlook or leave unattended to tackle at a later stage. Children should also be enlightened about the repercussions of vices such as smoking, alcoholism and gambling as well as promiscuity. It is a parent's duty to openly discuss these matters with their teenage children rather than wait till they learn their own lesson by actually committing the error which will also be their responsibility in the event that their parents have already warned them about matters. Parents should not un-necessarily be prying in to their children's association with the opposite sex. It is better that your son or daughter get to know the temperaments and attitudes of other girls and boys which will help them on the long run the day they look for a partner to settle down with. Most children who are involved in large scale robberies, rape and murder are found to be coming mostly from broken homes and commit them owing to unhappy childhood experiences. Adults should always make sure that they maintain a pleasant atmosphere for their children at home. Traumatic parental lifestyles tend to make children want to be out of their home boundaries as much as possible. Such situations can lead the child to look for affection outside home and probably strike out a wrong relationship. It is the burning ambition of all parents that their children will some day turn out to be useful citizens and members of society. But this burning ambition is a major undertaking too. Merely sending your children to a leading school and supplying them with their daily needs alone will not drive your children to live up to your expectations of them. It takes more than your presence as a parent in the lives of your children to make them want to present you with that gift they know is your yearning wish in life. That is why we find children rebel, that is why we find children swaying away into erroneous lifestyles and the reason they will want to violate norms and embarrass you in public, because if you fail with them they will make sure that you will never! never realise that yearning wish of your life, the ultimate happiness; which is actually theirs. |
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ADOLESCENCE: What most children, specially the young, learn in
school with regard to adolescents and the many changes that take place
both physically and mentally when they grow into adults are basics but
there are many facts that only a parent can discuss with his or her
young child, building his or her confidence to face life. 
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