Artful Dodgers

ACCORDING to the TV Licensing Agency in Britain, Londoners ranked first in the TV licence evader's league table this year closely followed by Glasgow and Birmingham.

Staff at the agency's call centre (who help ensure 24.7 British households pay up every year) have had to deal with implausible and sometimes banal excuses for non payment.

One inspector replied through a letterbox to shouted questions as to who was at the door only to realise that he was being interrogated by a parrot, watching an unlicensed TV set.

Another evader offered the tortuous explanation: " I don't need a licence because I only watch Australian soaps and, as far as I'm aware, you don't need a licence in Australia".

Animals often get the blame - one man claimed that only his dog watches TV whilst another inventive dodger told the inspectors "that's not a TV - it's a fish tank".

Cold shoulder for coughing travellers

TRAVELLERS who use the London to Essex line run by Coast Train Company (C2C) have been given a cough-free carriage to escape the germ-spreaders from this week. Any passenger showing the first signs of a cough will be politely asked to move.

Sponsored by the cough medicine company Benylin, the special carriage will operate until April 2006.

The initiative followed a survey by the company which listed people who cough as one of the top 10 pet hates among commuters. A spokesman for C2C said "You get thoughtless people who either insist on travelling and spreading germs when, for the benefit of all, they should have stayed at home."

- Daily Mail