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by Goolbai Gunasekera

It has been 5 years since November 2nd assumed great importance in the eyes of Sujata's many friends for it was her birthday, and everyone seemed to work their engagements both social and otherwise, around this all important evening. i have often wondered why I, and others like me, were so careful to keep the evening free when, truth to tell, we had begun to treat other birthdays far more causally. My own husband had once gone so far as to actually forget mine (not his own though).

Sujata Jayawardena was too known a Colombo personality to need even a tiny biographical sketch. From the time I was born Sujata was part of my life. She was the older sister I never had in my own family set up, and I grew up thinking that my own minor doings were taking top priority in Sujata's life. And this was the secret of her universally appreciated charm. Sujata had that rare ability to make every person she knew seem as if she/he were the most important friend in the pecking order of friendship. Never once did any appeal for attention go unanswered. Let me relate an incident.

Whenever my mother went off to India (which was often) I would be left with Sujata's parents. I did not like sleeping alone in the dark - or even with a light on come to think of it. Sujata was several years older. Certainly old enough to lay down the law. But she did not do so.

She took the trouble to explain to homesick little girl the Buddhist philosophy of being alone.

It was a conversation I have never forgotten. I cannot truthfully say that I overcame my fear after that one chat, but I was willing to give sleeping alone a try.

As Head Girl of Visakha, Sujata was quite awe inspiring. Tall and majestic, she was a story book figure. She commanded enormous respect. Writing about her in one of my books years later I made the comment that when ever Sujata entered the room even now, I felt I should stand up and salute. She commanded the same respect from me even after I had grown up and was able to be a friend.

For years she ran an interviews programme on TV and I have never felt so honoured as when she asked me to be one of her guests on her half hour programme.

"You mean me?" I squeaked totally unbelieving.

"Why yes," said Sujata briskly. "Why not you?"

I did not make the obvious comment that I felt too unimportant to appear among such previously august guests, Sujata would have had no patience with shilly-shallying and would certainly not have overcomplimented me either. Nonetheless it WAS a compliment that I have valued ever since.

Born with an overactive social conscience, Sujata believed in helping many by small acts of generosity but it is her building of the university students women's hostel which has earned her the undying gratitude of generations of students who would otherwise have had no place to live. While she was collecting funds for this fantastic project she received so much unsought help even Sujata was touched. She told me once of a diplomat friend who made an enormous donation at a time the contractors were pressing hard for further advances. Somehow the hostel was built. It stands as living memorial to this great lady.

But my own story of her must be on far more personal note. Literally hundreds of times I think to myself, "I wish Sujata were here". When the Asian International School had its opening ceremony for its new buildings this thought was there.

Whenever AIS needs a VIP Guest for its many and varied functions I wish Sujata was still here. Whenever things get tough and I need someone to complain to about the unfairness of life I need Sujata to tell me her philosophy for fulfilment in the art of living.

Whenever a person infuriates me I need Sujata to tell me that I can be pretty infuriating myself.

Whenever things get on top of me (as they do in the day of any school Principal) I need Sujata to say "Learn to mediate my dear".

"But how will that help?"

"Sit down and close your eyes each morning. Visualise the people that annoy you. Then consciously radiate thoughts of loving kindness in this order... to those you dislike, to those that annoy you, to those that hurt you, to your friends, to your special friends and lastly to those you love the most".

Perhaps this explains Sujata's ability to defuse other people's tensions and to appear so much in control of her own. November 2nd is upon us and many people in Colombo will be thinking of their warm and wonderful friend who is no longer here. How fortunate have been her husband and children to have had such an exceptional woman in their lives for so long as a wife and a mother.

Speaking purely subjectively but with the love and gratitude thoughts of Sujata always bring I now say with all the sincerity I can muster, " I wish with all my heart that Sujata was with us today".

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