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by Geoff Wijesinghe

As a journalist, particularly during my years as a crime reporter, I have been closely associated with the law enforcement authorities and forged many a firm friendship with police officers.

I have found that beneath the stern exterior of most police officers, there lies a warm heart. They are blokes like you and me, human beings who experience pain and sadness, fear and courage, joy and happiness, fun and laughter.

The most mischievous policeman I have known is Subramaniam Siverndran who joined the police force as a recruit sub-inspector and retired after an illustrious and very colourful career as a Senior Superintendent of Police.

A very humorous anecdote, one which had me in fits of uncontrollable laughter, related by Siva during an exhilarating chat I had with him this week, was of an incident, which took place when he was a probationary sub-inspector.

The batch of 27 recruit SIs who were under training at the Police Training School at Katukurunda in Kalutra was detailed to travel up to Kandy for duty at the annual Esala Pageant.

Sivendran and his buddy Dhanasiri Weerasinghe, the well-known cricketer, who captained Ananda and played for Ceylon, now domiciled in Australia, had noticed that their "head cop" was in possession of a box of succulent "Black Magic" chocolates.

The two young bucks with an impish sense of humour, noticed that he would pop a chocolate into his mouth after lunch and savour the flavour of the "Black Magic".

The alert buck SIs also found that their lecturer was the only one to whom the "head cop" gave a chocolate.

Now, Siva and Dhane evolved a plan to raid the box of "Black Magic". First, they made an "out" entry in the Information Book at the Asgiriya Police Barracks where they were lodged. But, instead of going out, they returned to the dormitory.

They inveigled into the conspiracy, a hefty colleague nicknamed "Gas Muttiya" as he hailed from Payagala in the heart of toddy country, who stood 6 feet 2 inches in his socks and had him rip open the zip of the bag containing the tin of chocolates. The pranksters suddenly discovered they were being watched intently by another batchmate, "Pin Gona", who was lying in bed, pretending to read a book, but watching keenly the "Great Black Magic Chocolate Box Robbery".

So, they compelled him into silence by forcing him to partake the bittersweet delicacy. According to Siva., Dhanasiri completed the exercise by treading on the tin cover of the box of chocolates smashing it.

The "head cop" having reported the "daring robbery" to the lecturer, a very stern disciplinarian, the 27 PSIs were lined outside the barracks and the culprits ordered to own up. This was met with silence. Finally, when their lecturer, an Inspector who later became a Senior Superintendent, said he had no alternative but to send the batch back to the training school on disciplinary grounds, Siva and Dhane owned up. But, they had the last laugh when they coerced "Pin Gona", the lecturer's favourite, too, to put up his hand. The errant young cops were let off with a stern warning.

Some years ago, the IGP received a communication that an international conference of environmentalists was to be held in Colombo.

The IGP at the time, Ernest Perera, forwarded the communication to the DIG (Crimes and Traffic) for his information. The DIG, in turn, had sent it to the Director (Traffic) to be noted. That smart officer got the wrong end of the stick. Well-known as a "Forward Peter", he made a note on the communication that he be nominated to represent the police at the conference and address the august gathering of distinguished environmentalists, although his knowledge of environment was as ignorant as that of the mythical "Man in the Moon".

The DIG, in turn, sent the communication with the request of the Director (Traffic) back to the IGP. According to Siva, Ernest Perera had taken one glance at the paper and made a minute that if the Director (Traffic) wanted to make an ass of himself, he (IGP) had no objection.

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