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A guided tour!

by Robert Clements

"Mr President, we are so glad that you have come to Gujarat to have a look at the riot torn areas. Yes Mr President we agree with you that as head of the nation you should see for yourself. Now put these around your eyes will you sir. No, no it won't affect your hairstyle.

That's it, it does go so well with your blue shirt, doesn't it sir?. They are called blinkers Mr President. Ah you have seen it being used on horses sir? Yes Mr President its put so that the horses can look straight and not get distracted by unnecessary sights and sounds. And this is not cotton candy Mr President, its plain cotton sir. Put a piece in your ears. You say you used it when you burst the nuclear bomb? No, no there are no bombs around here, just avoidable gun shots and country made pistol bang, bangs sir, ha, ha, ha..!" "Now Mr President, we are ready to go. No, not that way sir. That's where the relief camps are. Too smelly and dirty a place for you sir. You are the head of state, there is a certain dignity you have to uphold. We'll go straight sir. Straight to the Gandhi Ashram. You can do some spinning there if you want sir, we have some blue yarn specially for you, your favourite colour. Actually if you want to spend the whole day there, it could be quite relaxing for you, after the rigors of your high office sir. We could arrange for a tree to be planted in the ashram compound? You could even have a cup of Gandhi's favourite tea, and why not even drink in his glass, Mr President!" "Come Mr President get into your van, so that we can start off. You want to go in that car. No, no Mr President this is the van we have designed for your guided tour. You are wondering why there are no windows? Good question. No wonder you became India's top scientist sir.

Actually Mr President we are trying to protect you from some trouble makers and vandals who will stand on the roads and try to wave to you with just one arm or leg or with chopped off ears or half burnt bodies. We don't want you to be hurt by their obscene actions sir. Also there is a lot of construction activity that we will be starting soon sir, so we had to pull down and burn thousands of old and useless buildings and houses . We don't want you to see all this rubble and ruins on the road. Yes Mr President we are following your ideas of building a modern India. But first we are dismantling the old India" "Now Mr President you can get down and walk awhile. Smell the roses. Nehru liked doing that. You can even put one in your button hole sir. A red rose does go well with your blue shirt. Let the photographer take a picture of that sir. It will be in all the morning papers Mr President. You can walk around for sometime in the garden sir and then we have arranged for some schoolchildren for you to give a lecture to." "No, no Mr President there is no wailing or weeping sound outside. Here put some more cotton in your ears. We don't want your presidential eardrums damaged by any silly, disruptive noise sir. Adjust your blinkers sir. Look straight ahead sir. Just focus on these lovely schoolchildren in front of you." "Okay Mr President, the tour is over. We have to rush you back to the capital. You are such a busy man. No, no don't take off the blinkers, don't pull out the cotton from your ears. You can do that in the plane. Come on Mr President , come on, lets move you back to Delhi.

You can keep the rose, but give the blinkers back , after you board the plane, there are others who need to use it for a good guided tour of our peaceful state sir..!" "Goodbye Mr President." [email protected] 

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